Happy Birthday to Me.
I have completed another trip around the sun. It was the worst trip I've ever had.
I'm not alone in my misery over the past couple years. It's been a rough two years for just about everyone. Especially for health care workers, like myself. And even more so when taking care of a parent with a chronic illness, like me. It was the trifecta of suffering.
So here I am, on my 52nd birthday (52! WTF???) feeling like I have no idea who I am. I've spent so much time in the past several months taking care of everyone else, putting everything else before my own needs, working long hours in less-than-ideal circumstances that I feel like an empty shell. Everything I thought I was seems to have leaked out somehow. And it's been replaced by sarcasm, cynicism , and simmering anger that sits right below the surface.
I don't like being like this. It's not me. I don't want to be like this anymore.
The thing is- I've been down this road before. I've been lost before. I've been disillusioned. I've been stuck. And I've always found a way through.
Which is what I need to do over this next year. I need to find my way back to myself.
So at the end of my NEXT trip around the sun, I'll arrive with a lot less baggage.
Happy birthday!
ReplyDeleteTotally feel your pain taking care of the aging parents too. My dad was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and he's refusing treatment. It's not going to be a fun 2022.