Sometimes, I just need to remind myself that there are only TWO things I need to accomplish each day:
1) breathe in
2) breathe out
sigh.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
RECLAIMATION
So...the dilemma I have been facing is this: how do you move back into the center of your own life when you have been living at the perimeter for too long? It's harder than you'd expect. And I really don't have all the answers, even though I scoured Oprah magazine at the gym for several nights. I've been left to figure it out on my own. So far, this is what I've come up with
HOW TO RECLAIM YOUR LIFE
1) Be outside as much as possible
I find that when I'm inside, there are too many unhealthy distractions. Too many things to obsess about. Too many things to keep my focus outside myself. But when I'm outside, the opposite happens. First, my attention is pulled outside my scattered brain. Then as I absorb all the good, nature-y things around me, I feel myself being pulled back in. But lower. I feel centered somewhere around the bottom of my rib cage. And my diaphragm doesn't chatter incessantly like my brain. It just breathes.
I'm happy the weather has been nice on my days off. I'm especially happy that my new place is one mile from the beach.
2) Downsize
Getting rid of things has been an ongoing theme in my life. And for the most part, I don't have a lot of stuff. So how come when I moved, I ended up moving so much STUFF? It would make more sense to purge before a move. But it's much easier to purge after you've had to lug all your crap from one place to another. As I've unpacked, I've thought: really? REALLY? I kept that? For what? Then other things, I have to "go through". And still others, I need to use, or wear, or read and then decide. My goal, in 6 -12 months is to cut down by half. (I got way too many books) The nice thing is: as I downsize, I feel lighter. And freer. And more me.
3) Clean UP
In the weirdest way, on my day off, as I go through my weekly chores of laundry and vacuuming and doing the dishes and cleaning the bathroom and going grocery shopping, I feel centered and at peace. And happy. I never thought that cleaning would make me happy. But having control over my own environment sure does. And cleaning gives me a sense of control.
4) Volunteer
I've been doing a lot of volunteering with the adaptive sports program we have at work. And another organization that does hiking with disabled folks. It feels good. (and goes nicely with the be outside goal, too) I may check out the local animal shelter one day a month, too. I'll see if I have the time.
5) Drink lots of tea
It's a nice little ritual I got into since my move to my new place. It's a nice transition to sleepy time from work-and-work-out time. Plus, it keeps me from eating at night.
6) Cut down on the junk food
I was stressed out a lot this year. And I ate a lot of junk this year. (I'm a stress eater!) As a result, I put on some weight this year. (thank goodness I got all those cute tankini's last year on sale!) So now, I'm trying to get back to my happy weight and my happy state of health.
7) Train for another marathon
I've just never found a more effective way to move past something bad and onto something good than in running long distances according to a specific plan with a specific time frame and a concrete goal. Marathon training is the best! Plus, this particular marathon has Mickey Mouse and Goofy along the route! (Disney 2012!)
8) Spend time with your dad!
My dad helped me move. My dad helped me clean out the jeep and put the hard top on last weekend (so sad to put the soft top away) My dad showed up at my place with all new cleaning stuff, picture hooks, batteries, light bulbs, and easy to cook food for the first week. My dad is the best. I've felt better since hanging out with my dad.
9) Tie up as many loose ends as possible
I haven't been able to tie up the BIG ones. But I'm trying to keep all the little things in a state of completion. At home. At work. At the gym. In the car. No half done daily notes before I leave. No dishes left in the sink. No laundry left on the floor. No recycling sitting on the passenger seat of the car for three days until I make it to the recycling center. Everything is started and finished. Nothing to distract me. Nothing to keep me from being front and center!
10) Start blogging again
I started blogging way back when to "find my voice" once again when I forgot who I was. And now I'm back. For the same reason.
Let the journey begin!!
HOW TO RECLAIM YOUR LIFE
1) Be outside as much as possible
I find that when I'm inside, there are too many unhealthy distractions. Too many things to obsess about. Too many things to keep my focus outside myself. But when I'm outside, the opposite happens. First, my attention is pulled outside my scattered brain. Then as I absorb all the good, nature-y things around me, I feel myself being pulled back in. But lower. I feel centered somewhere around the bottom of my rib cage. And my diaphragm doesn't chatter incessantly like my brain. It just breathes.
I'm happy the weather has been nice on my days off. I'm especially happy that my new place is one mile from the beach.
2) Downsize
Getting rid of things has been an ongoing theme in my life. And for the most part, I don't have a lot of stuff. So how come when I moved, I ended up moving so much STUFF? It would make more sense to purge before a move. But it's much easier to purge after you've had to lug all your crap from one place to another. As I've unpacked, I've thought: really? REALLY? I kept that? For what? Then other things, I have to "go through". And still others, I need to use, or wear, or read and then decide. My goal, in 6 -12 months is to cut down by half. (I got way too many books) The nice thing is: as I downsize, I feel lighter. And freer. And more me.
3) Clean UP
In the weirdest way, on my day off, as I go through my weekly chores of laundry and vacuuming and doing the dishes and cleaning the bathroom and going grocery shopping, I feel centered and at peace. And happy. I never thought that cleaning would make me happy. But having control over my own environment sure does. And cleaning gives me a sense of control.
4) Volunteer
I've been doing a lot of volunteering with the adaptive sports program we have at work. And another organization that does hiking with disabled folks. It feels good. (and goes nicely with the be outside goal, too) I may check out the local animal shelter one day a month, too. I'll see if I have the time.
5) Drink lots of tea
It's a nice little ritual I got into since my move to my new place. It's a nice transition to sleepy time from work-and-work-out time. Plus, it keeps me from eating at night.
6) Cut down on the junk food
I was stressed out a lot this year. And I ate a lot of junk this year. (I'm a stress eater!) As a result, I put on some weight this year. (thank goodness I got all those cute tankini's last year on sale!) So now, I'm trying to get back to my happy weight and my happy state of health.
7) Train for another marathon
I've just never found a more effective way to move past something bad and onto something good than in running long distances according to a specific plan with a specific time frame and a concrete goal. Marathon training is the best! Plus, this particular marathon has Mickey Mouse and Goofy along the route! (Disney 2012!)
8) Spend time with your dad!
My dad helped me move. My dad helped me clean out the jeep and put the hard top on last weekend (so sad to put the soft top away) My dad showed up at my place with all new cleaning stuff, picture hooks, batteries, light bulbs, and easy to cook food for the first week. My dad is the best. I've felt better since hanging out with my dad.
9) Tie up as many loose ends as possible
I haven't been able to tie up the BIG ones. But I'm trying to keep all the little things in a state of completion. At home. At work. At the gym. In the car. No half done daily notes before I leave. No dishes left in the sink. No laundry left on the floor. No recycling sitting on the passenger seat of the car for three days until I make it to the recycling center. Everything is started and finished. Nothing to distract me. Nothing to keep me from being front and center!
10) Start blogging again
I started blogging way back when to "find my voice" once again when I forgot who I was. And now I'm back. For the same reason.
Let the journey begin!!
Monday, October 17, 2011
Getting Back to Center
So I've been away for a while. A long while. But I'm back now.
I've moved out of the Garaje Mahal and into a new place. I got my internet hooked up. I'm trying to get my life back.
Long story short...my life was hijacked over the last few months. That's right -- hijacked! For several months, my life was not my own. My thoughts and deeds and emotions were spent on somebody else's agenda. Their problems became my problems. Their drama became my drama. My life became a distant glimmer on the horizon of which I had a vague recollection. I was downgraded to supporting player.
How did I let that happen? Well, yes, I've always been the kind of person who doesn't seek the spotlight. I don't like a lot of fanfare and fuss. I don't want my picture on a cereal box. I don't incessantly post updates on Facebook about how my day was better than your day. I don't write empassioned letters to the editor and sign my name like John Hancock. I blog anonymously.
But still....to paraphrase Sting: "In this theater I call my soul, SHOULDN'T I play the starring role?"
Maybe it all starts when you start identifying with those bit players. The supporting cast. I always liked them better, anyway. And I sort of saw myself as a quirky, quick witted Joan Cusack kind of girl, rather than a Julia Roberts kind of girl. Those girls could get away with things like wearing ridiculously out of place outfits to formal events and everyone let them. Laughed with them. Admired their spunk. Who wouldn't want to go to a dinner party with Jennifer Coolidge and Annie Potts? Who doesn't love Rose, the crazy neighbor from Two and a Half Men? I sure love em! I sure want to be em!
But maybe the zany, left of center persona comes with a price. I never wanted to live in Kate Winslet's shadow. But I haven't seen direct sunlight in a while.
SO now that I'm back with my new internet connection and my new place (so new, I don't have a fun little nickname for it yet. But it has buttery yellow walls. Which may come into play in the naming ceremony) And I'm thinking.... maybe it's time to be Sandra Bullock for a while.
Just sayin'.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Independence Day
"Come gather 'round people * Wherever you roam * And admit that the waters * Around you have grown * And accept it that soon * You'll be drenched to the bone ** If your time to you is worth savin' * Then you'd better start swimmin' * Or you'll sink like a stone * For the times they are a-changin'" ---Bob Dylan
So July 4th has come and gone and things are good, but very different than they were a year ago. Around Christmastime, the air fills with the sound of that old holiday stand-by: "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year." While some will hear that song and truly believe that Christmastime fits the bill, I'll always think of July 4th when I hear it.
Maybe it's from growing up near the beach. The weather gets warmer, the summer people come back to open up their cottages, and suddenly your pool of friends doubles. The summer friends come back in fits and dribbles, but everyone is sure to be there by July 3rd (the nite of bonfires and bottlerockets in the sand) and July 4th (parade, beach, and fireworks on the waterfront). The excitement never dies, no matter how old I've become.
Or so I thought.
Sometimes it takes an earth-shattering change to make you face what you've been slowly realizing for a while. That the excitement has given way to a been there, done that, sort of resignation. That memories of last year, and the year before, and the year before that, all seem to include you saying: "Well, next year will be better." That you can clearly remember feeling relieved the year you got the flu and had to sit this one out. That many of your friends from years ago have little in common with you anymore except geographic closeness and bonfires on July 3rd.
This year, we skipped July 3rd altogether in lieu of the playground and movie nite in. This year we picked a different spot to watch the parade. This year, July 4th was spent on a different beach with a different group of people and a totally different vibe. This year the fireworks were watched not from the waterfront, but from across the bay on a blanket in the sand with a tiny little fire and an acoustic guitar playing.
This year, I learned that sometimes we do things only because we've done them that way so many times in the past. They aren't necessarily the best things for us now. And when we reach out of that comfort zone, sometimes we discover that there are better things out there, if we just look.
It's time to start looking. It's summertime. The most wonderful time of the year.
So July 4th has come and gone and things are good, but very different than they were a year ago. Around Christmastime, the air fills with the sound of that old holiday stand-by: "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year." While some will hear that song and truly believe that Christmastime fits the bill, I'll always think of July 4th when I hear it.
Maybe it's from growing up near the beach. The weather gets warmer, the summer people come back to open up their cottages, and suddenly your pool of friends doubles. The summer friends come back in fits and dribbles, but everyone is sure to be there by July 3rd (the nite of bonfires and bottlerockets in the sand) and July 4th (parade, beach, and fireworks on the waterfront). The excitement never dies, no matter how old I've become.
Or so I thought.
Sometimes it takes an earth-shattering change to make you face what you've been slowly realizing for a while. That the excitement has given way to a been there, done that, sort of resignation. That memories of last year, and the year before, and the year before that, all seem to include you saying: "Well, next year will be better." That you can clearly remember feeling relieved the year you got the flu and had to sit this one out. That many of your friends from years ago have little in common with you anymore except geographic closeness and bonfires on July 3rd.
This year, we skipped July 3rd altogether in lieu of the playground and movie nite in. This year we picked a different spot to watch the parade. This year, July 4th was spent on a different beach with a different group of people and a totally different vibe. This year the fireworks were watched not from the waterfront, but from across the bay on a blanket in the sand with a tiny little fire and an acoustic guitar playing.
This year, I learned that sometimes we do things only because we've done them that way so many times in the past. They aren't necessarily the best things for us now. And when we reach out of that comfort zone, sometimes we discover that there are better things out there, if we just look.
It's time to start looking. It's summertime. The most wonderful time of the year.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Summer day
So today was the day that I took control and decided to live my life the way I want and ignore the rest of the drama. Rollerbladed 9 miles along the canal in the am, went to the farmer's market (very low turnout of vendors today, I'm wondering if the holiday weekend in the beach town kept them away) and then to the beach. Feeling like a summertime girl again! Top off the jeep, ocean water feeling warm, and a ridiculously lite chick-lit book in my beach bag. (I even got a once over from a cute hottie about 15 years younger than me)
Summer's looking up.
Summer's looking up.
Friday, July 1, 2011
One July Goal
I've been away for a while. A long while.
Whenever one of my regular bloggie friends whom I read takes a hiatus, I like to imagine that life is going swimmingly for them; that they are too busy having fun to stop and write about it on a computer, for crying out loud! I like to think that the opposite isn't true.
In my case, the opposite was true.
It's been a trying couple months, filled with court appearances and restraining orders and other such horrible things that you never wish to have in your life. It's been sucky. And it's not over yet. Far from it.
To think that just 3 months ago, I was bemoaning how boring my life was and how I needed to shake things up a bit. This is not what I meant.
When I started blogging, way back when, it was a way to find my way out from a different life crisis. (Which seems oh-so-quaint and manageable now) At the time it seemed much more pressing.
I had lost myself. I had no idea who I was anymore. I felt like I no longer had a voice. So I started this silly little blog to just write something...anything....until I found my voice and myself again.
Plus, I discovered that between blogging and marathon training, my insomnia went away and I felt like a person. (If you want to feel like anything, feeling like a person is a good start!)
In the past two months, insomnia has returned. Exercise and tri training has evaporated. I've been cranky as hell. My food choices are in the toilet. And I'm a caffeine addict again.
And now it's July. July 1st to be exact, which has always felt like more of the beginning of summer, up in New England. Especially with the rainy June we had this year. So maybe it can be a beginning of another sort.
Once again, I find myself at the keyboard, humble and just looking to say something...anything... to make me feel like a person again. To make me feel like me again.
I, the poster of goals, the maker of lists, the assigner of "days" to "themes" (Tuesday's bad dates, Thursday's bad cooking, Friday's wrap up, Monday's charity) have but one purpose this July: Just be here. Just write something. Just pull myself kicking back up from the depths, back to the surface where I can breathe.
'Cause if you can't breathe, you can't laugh.
And laughing is what makes you feel like less of a person and more of a goddess.
Whenever one of my regular bloggie friends whom I read takes a hiatus, I like to imagine that life is going swimmingly for them; that they are too busy having fun to stop and write about it on a computer, for crying out loud! I like to think that the opposite isn't true.
In my case, the opposite was true.
It's been a trying couple months, filled with court appearances and restraining orders and other such horrible things that you never wish to have in your life. It's been sucky. And it's not over yet. Far from it.
To think that just 3 months ago, I was bemoaning how boring my life was and how I needed to shake things up a bit. This is not what I meant.
When I started blogging, way back when, it was a way to find my way out from a different life crisis. (Which seems oh-so-quaint and manageable now) At the time it seemed much more pressing.
I had lost myself. I had no idea who I was anymore. I felt like I no longer had a voice. So I started this silly little blog to just write something...anything....until I found my voice and myself again.
Plus, I discovered that between blogging and marathon training, my insomnia went away and I felt like a person. (If you want to feel like anything, feeling like a person is a good start!)
In the past two months, insomnia has returned. Exercise and tri training has evaporated. I've been cranky as hell. My food choices are in the toilet. And I'm a caffeine addict again.
And now it's July. July 1st to be exact, which has always felt like more of the beginning of summer, up in New England. Especially with the rainy June we had this year. So maybe it can be a beginning of another sort.
Once again, I find myself at the keyboard, humble and just looking to say something...anything... to make me feel like a person again. To make me feel like me again.
I, the poster of goals, the maker of lists, the assigner of "days" to "themes" (Tuesday's bad dates, Thursday's bad cooking, Friday's wrap up, Monday's charity) have but one purpose this July: Just be here. Just write something. Just pull myself kicking back up from the depths, back to the surface where I can breathe.
'Cause if you can't breathe, you can't laugh.
And laughing is what makes you feel like less of a person and more of a goddess.
Monday, May 2, 2011
May Goals
And here we are in May. I haven't been around in bloggie world a lot in April. I've been a bit enamoured with paper journals and colorful pens. Something is just so soothing about your hand moving across the page and the feel of the paper beneath your fingers. Computers just don't have that tactile soothing quality.
Anyway, April was strange, just as March was. My little JeepGirl world is in upheaval and I'm just at the periphery of the problem. It's as if my entire existence now revolves around "being there". With a shoulder to cry on. A comforting word. Or a handful of chocolaty something. Sometimes that's the most important thing you can do.
Anyway, in light of that, a lot of my own goals took a back seat. Which is OK. I guess. Life is like that, sometimes.
April Goals:
1) Go Vegan for a month: I ended up going about 80/ 20. Feeling better overall. But I did learn that I need to pack more snacks for work. 11-12 hour work days followed by the gym requires lots of nourishment.
2) Read 4 books: This month I read Zero Regrets by Apolo Ohno (liked it a lot), The Alexander Technique (kind of a posture and body alignment theory thing. Work stuff) Dedication by Emma Mc Laughlin and Nicola Kraus (the authors behind The Nanny Diaries. I liked Dedication. It was very funny) and I'm half way through Power vs Force by David R Hawkins (It was given to me by an old coworker. I like some of the stuff, but some is quite out there. I'll let you know when I'm done). I'm thinking in the months to follow, I may choose my monthly books -- mind, body, spirit, and fun.
3) Continue Tri Training: This has been going, but quite sporadically. I have some great workouts under my belt. The mileage is going up. The strength training is consistent. But sometimes a brick workout has to take a back seat to being a good friend. So I'll finish the races. But I won't be fast.
4) Study and pass Kinesiotaping exam: Almost. I took the class, but due to a registration snafu, I'm waiting to get my exam registration details to take it on line. Next month.
5) File taxes. Done. What a pain that is.
6) Spring Cleaning with a major trip to the thrift store: Done. It's looking more clear in here.
7) Daily Journaling: 3/4 credit. I missed one week
8) Girl's Day Out: Success. We saw Water for Elephants at the movies. I thought it was pretty true to the book. I liked it. And I didn't find Robert Pattinson completely annoying the way I do in the Twilight films. So thumbs up.
9) Have a great Easter with the kids: success
10) Hang with Nerd: Fail. Sometimes a nerd takes a back seat to being a good friend, too.
And now its May. And the weather has FINALLY started to warm up! So its high time to
1) Do the winter/summer clothes switch. And get rid of stuff I don't wear.
2) Read 4 books -- mind body spirit fun
3) Send 4 snail mail letters. I'm still in the paper and pen state of mind.
4) Get summer race schedule set and summer fun schedule set, too!
5) Make 3 contacts at Abilities Expo
6) Get aerobars on the bike!
7) Brick workouts, brick workouts, brick workouts
8) Daily journaling in my paper journal :)
9) Have a great time at my nephew's birthday party
10) Finish half marathon in less than 2 hours.
Anyway, April was strange, just as March was. My little JeepGirl world is in upheaval and I'm just at the periphery of the problem. It's as if my entire existence now revolves around "being there". With a shoulder to cry on. A comforting word. Or a handful of chocolaty something. Sometimes that's the most important thing you can do.
Anyway, in light of that, a lot of my own goals took a back seat. Which is OK. I guess. Life is like that, sometimes.
April Goals:
1) Go Vegan for a month: I ended up going about 80/ 20. Feeling better overall. But I did learn that I need to pack more snacks for work. 11-12 hour work days followed by the gym requires lots of nourishment.
2) Read 4 books: This month I read Zero Regrets by Apolo Ohno (liked it a lot), The Alexander Technique (kind of a posture and body alignment theory thing. Work stuff) Dedication by Emma Mc Laughlin and Nicola Kraus (the authors behind The Nanny Diaries. I liked Dedication. It was very funny) and I'm half way through Power vs Force by David R Hawkins (It was given to me by an old coworker. I like some of the stuff, but some is quite out there. I'll let you know when I'm done). I'm thinking in the months to follow, I may choose my monthly books -- mind, body, spirit, and fun.
3) Continue Tri Training: This has been going, but quite sporadically. I have some great workouts under my belt. The mileage is going up. The strength training is consistent. But sometimes a brick workout has to take a back seat to being a good friend. So I'll finish the races. But I won't be fast.
4) Study and pass Kinesiotaping exam: Almost. I took the class, but due to a registration snafu, I'm waiting to get my exam registration details to take it on line. Next month.
5) File taxes. Done. What a pain that is.
6) Spring Cleaning with a major trip to the thrift store: Done. It's looking more clear in here.
7) Daily Journaling: 3/4 credit. I missed one week
8) Girl's Day Out: Success. We saw Water for Elephants at the movies. I thought it was pretty true to the book. I liked it. And I didn't find Robert Pattinson completely annoying the way I do in the Twilight films. So thumbs up.
9) Have a great Easter with the kids: success
10) Hang with Nerd: Fail. Sometimes a nerd takes a back seat to being a good friend, too.
And now its May. And the weather has FINALLY started to warm up! So its high time to
1) Do the winter/summer clothes switch. And get rid of stuff I don't wear.
2) Read 4 books -- mind body spirit fun
3) Send 4 snail mail letters. I'm still in the paper and pen state of mind.
4) Get summer race schedule set and summer fun schedule set, too!
5) Make 3 contacts at Abilities Expo
6) Get aerobars on the bike!
7) Brick workouts, brick workouts, brick workouts
8) Daily journaling in my paper journal :)
9) Have a great time at my nephew's birthday party
10) Finish half marathon in less than 2 hours.
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