Right now, I'm nowhere.
For the last 6 months, I knew exactly where I was, from the milage completed and the milage to go, how far to the next water source, the next campsite, the next resupply. I knew what my ultimate destination was and what I had to do to get there. Every day when I got up, I knew exactly what I was doing.
And then I finished.
Now, each day lays out before me without a definite plan. I have things to do; job searching, renewing certifications, reconnecting with family and friends, downsizing, exercising, blogging. But my activities seem disjointed. They seem to bear little connection with one another. And if I don't get to something today, well, I can just get to it tomorrow. No consequence. No rethinking the overall plan. No putting in double effort tomorrow so I don't fall behind. It sounds liberating and free.
It's not.
Even though I said my plans for the next three months were to have no definite plans, even though I like living in uncertainty, even though I purposely am targeting short term and per diem jobs in my search instead of permanent positions -- I still feel a little lost. I still feel like I should have a more concrete destination.
Part of the problem, of course, is that I don't have my own place yet. I'm entirely too old to be slumming with the parents, but after 6 months of no paycheck and an irregular income now, getting my own place is a little out of reach. But its hard not having your own space. And when your tentative plans involve moving on in 3 months or so, is even pursuing an apartment worth it?
And then there is the big elephant in the room. The guy. Who lives in a different time zone. And doesn't have a job right now, either. And has no idea where he will be working once he is employed. Could be Illinois. Could be California. Could be North Carolina. Could be Toronto! I do have a way to get a temporary job wherever it is he gets a permanent one. You know, just to see. Cause sometimes all you have in common is a mutual experience and when that experience is over...then...it's over.
Or then again, maybe it's the beginning.
But I don't know. I'm living in uncertainty. Floating along in between maybe and I don't know.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Friday, October 11, 2013
Phun Photos Phriday
This is what happens when you spend a lazy afternoon on the beach:
This is what happens when you take a walk around on the grounds at Kripalu:
And this is what happens when you leave your phone unattended around an 8 year old:
This is what happens when you take a walk around on the grounds at Kripalu:
And this is what happens when you leave your phone unattended around an 8 year old:
Thursday, October 10, 2013
The Artist's Way -- Week Two
Chapter two of The Artist's Way is titled "Recovering a Sense of Identity." Most of the exercises involve looking at your life, figuring out where your time is going, listing things you enjoy doing, looking at the last time you did those things you enjoy, etc. Basically, examining whether your life truly reflects who you are as a person deep down.
It's rather hard to apply this when your life is presently in transition, as mine is and have no job, as I don't. Then again, it's kind of fun, to see how many of those things you can fit in when you have all the time in the world. (Excepting the job searching time. The party's gotta end sometime!)
One exercise that's kind of fun:
If you had 5 other lives to live, what would you do in each of them?
1) A Dive Master: I really do enjoy scuba diving. I have both basic certification and advanced certification, but I did not continue past there, since I was intimidated by the dive rescue aspect of the class. I'm pretty secure in the first aid aspect of the rescuer course, but the scuba equipment is really heavy! I can barely haul myself up onto a boat after a dive, never mind hauling somebody else with all their wet gear onto a boat when they were injured.
Now I know that I would not be doing everything all by myself. At the very least, there are two staff members on any dive boat, plus the other divers who could assist. I would be able to take care of anything I needed to take care of with teamwork.
In my other imaginary life, I'd be living on a Caribbean island, diving every day.
2) A Travel Writer: I love to travel. I LOVE to travel! I can imagine traveling around the world to different countries and writing about it. Exploring cathedrals and museums, hiking and biking through the country side, staying in quaint bed and breakfasts, and writing about it. Putting together possible itineraries for travelers who enjoy active vacations or tasting local flavor. How fantastic would that be?
3) Professional Organizer: Believe it or not, organizing things is something I really like to do. It's nice to create order out of chaos. I like categorizing things, putting them together, and placing them in nice little decorative containers so they can be easily retrieved. It's a good thing I like this, too, since I'm cleaning out my parent's garage right now and its quite a task.
4) Personal Trainer Extraordinaire: Of course. Of course this is on the list. I love working out. I'm constantly evaluating friends' and family members' workout programs and tweaking them to make them either more effective or less likely to cause injury. I could totally do this for a livelihood.
5) Outward Bound Instructor: I had to quit my job in order to hike for 5 months. What if hiking for 5 months was my job? Taking people out into the wilderness and introducing them to the joys of nature? Teaching people the ins and outs of packing a backpack, putting up a tent, cooking on a camp stove, planning menus for trips? How about climbing, rappelling, negotiating rocks and roots, fording streams. Finding water sources. The principles of Leave No Trace camping. Of course, it would involve a lot of responsibility. But man oh man! To be outside all day every day for your job. I can think of nothing better!
It's rather hard to apply this when your life is presently in transition, as mine is and have no job, as I don't. Then again, it's kind of fun, to see how many of those things you can fit in when you have all the time in the world. (Excepting the job searching time. The party's gotta end sometime!)
One exercise that's kind of fun:
If you had 5 other lives to live, what would you do in each of them?
1) A Dive Master: I really do enjoy scuba diving. I have both basic certification and advanced certification, but I did not continue past there, since I was intimidated by the dive rescue aspect of the class. I'm pretty secure in the first aid aspect of the rescuer course, but the scuba equipment is really heavy! I can barely haul myself up onto a boat after a dive, never mind hauling somebody else with all their wet gear onto a boat when they were injured.
Now I know that I would not be doing everything all by myself. At the very least, there are two staff members on any dive boat, plus the other divers who could assist. I would be able to take care of anything I needed to take care of with teamwork.
In my other imaginary life, I'd be living on a Caribbean island, diving every day.
2) A Travel Writer: I love to travel. I LOVE to travel! I can imagine traveling around the world to different countries and writing about it. Exploring cathedrals and museums, hiking and biking through the country side, staying in quaint bed and breakfasts, and writing about it. Putting together possible itineraries for travelers who enjoy active vacations or tasting local flavor. How fantastic would that be?
3) Professional Organizer: Believe it or not, organizing things is something I really like to do. It's nice to create order out of chaos. I like categorizing things, putting them together, and placing them in nice little decorative containers so they can be easily retrieved. It's a good thing I like this, too, since I'm cleaning out my parent's garage right now and its quite a task.
4) Personal Trainer Extraordinaire: Of course. Of course this is on the list. I love working out. I'm constantly evaluating friends' and family members' workout programs and tweaking them to make them either more effective or less likely to cause injury. I could totally do this for a livelihood.
5) Outward Bound Instructor: I had to quit my job in order to hike for 5 months. What if hiking for 5 months was my job? Taking people out into the wilderness and introducing them to the joys of nature? Teaching people the ins and outs of packing a backpack, putting up a tent, cooking on a camp stove, planning menus for trips? How about climbing, rappelling, negotiating rocks and roots, fording streams. Finding water sources. The principles of Leave No Trace camping. Of course, it would involve a lot of responsibility. But man oh man! To be outside all day every day for your job. I can think of nothing better!
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Writer's Workshop Wednesday
I'm jumping back into MamaKat's writer's workshop, simply because I've missed it.
This week's prompt is simply:
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month
She loved movies. She loved sitting in dark anonymity and forgetting who she was for two hours. She loved watching somebody else's life parade before her and pretending it was her own. That way, at the end of the show, she always won.
She often wondered if the movie makers knew. Did they suspect there was a girl out there who needed to lose herself in their films? Could they possibly fathom that her sanity depended on it?
The special effects intrigued her the most. Slow motion, fast motion, repeating scenes, warped and distorted voices -- were the movie makers doing that for dramatic effect, or did that happen to them in real life?
It happened to her.
In real life, fists always came in slow motion. She could see punches coming from a mile back, but she could never get out of the way. The ensuing argument was always in fast forward. Arguing voices -- even her own -- were slurred and eerily warped, as if she were arguing in a tunnel. And the final door slam echoed over and over in her head.
The next day, people's looks were always magnified, their whispers intensified. They thought she could not hear them all the way across the lobby, but she could. So she held herself high and walked with dignity into the dark safety of the theater. They didn't understand her like the movie makers did.
And once again, for two hours, she would lose everything and come out a winner.
This week's prompt is simply:
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month
She loved movies. She loved sitting in dark anonymity and forgetting who she was for two hours. She loved watching somebody else's life parade before her and pretending it was her own. That way, at the end of the show, she always won.
She often wondered if the movie makers knew. Did they suspect there was a girl out there who needed to lose herself in their films? Could they possibly fathom that her sanity depended on it?
The special effects intrigued her the most. Slow motion, fast motion, repeating scenes, warped and distorted voices -- were the movie makers doing that for dramatic effect, or did that happen to them in real life?
It happened to her.
In real life, fists always came in slow motion. She could see punches coming from a mile back, but she could never get out of the way. The ensuing argument was always in fast forward. Arguing voices -- even her own -- were slurred and eerily warped, as if she were arguing in a tunnel. And the final door slam echoed over and over in her head.
The next day, people's looks were always magnified, their whispers intensified. They thought she could not hear them all the way across the lobby, but she could. So she held herself high and walked with dignity into the dark safety of the theater. They didn't understand her like the movie makers did.
And once again, for two hours, she would lose everything and come out a winner.
Monday, October 7, 2013
Outdoor workout
I've always liked going to the gym. Since I was in high school, I could be found lifting dumbells, squatting barbells, struggling up the pull up bar, sweating it out on the cardio machines. Oh, I liked exercising outdoors, as well, but only in nice weather. When it was rainy or cold, or windy, I'd retreat to the nice warm, dry, gym and sweat.
After spending 5 months outdoors, though, the thought of going into a gym is just depressing. I'll probably change my tune once winter sets in, but right now the weather has been beautiful and autumnish (right down summerish last week). Perfect weather for being outside and sweating. And if it rains? Why I'll get wet!
However, since I don't want to drag dumbells and kettle bells around with me, I've had to get a little more creative with strength training. Enter...bootcamp workouts! JeepGirl style.
This is one of my favorites:
WARM UP
10 minutes jogging
30 sec high knees
30 sec dynamic trunk twists
30 sec high kicks
30 sec dynamic arm circles
30 sec jumping jacks
30 sec calf stretches each leg
30 sec hip circles
30 sec lateral trunk stretch each side
ROUND ONE
(On a relatively flat grassy surface 30 to 50 feet long. Each exercise down and back. 10 jumping jacks between each exercise)
Walking lunges with knee lift
Side stepping squats
Backward lunges
Bear crawl
30 seconds "fast feet"
Crab walk
*Jog for 2 minutes*
ROUND TWO
Walking lunges with kick
Alternating walking squats on a diagonal
Backward lunges with back kick
Bear crawl
30 seconds up/down on step
Crab walk
Jjog for 2 minutes*
ROUND THREE
20 Lunges with front foot on 16" step
10 Squats with one foot on 16" step. Repeat other leg.
10 Lunges with back foot on 16" step. Repeat other leg.
20 Push ups with hands on step.
10 Jump ups to 16" step
20 Triceps dips on step.
*Jog for 2 minutes*
COOL DOWN
30 seconds each stretch:
quads
hamstrings
IT band
calf stretch
calf stretch off step
seated trunk rotation
standing lateral trunk stretch
rear deltoid
triceps
pec stretch
Finish up with two minutes of deep breathing out in the fresh air.
What better way to spend a fall morning or afternoon?
After spending 5 months outdoors, though, the thought of going into a gym is just depressing. I'll probably change my tune once winter sets in, but right now the weather has been beautiful and autumnish (right down summerish last week). Perfect weather for being outside and sweating. And if it rains? Why I'll get wet!
However, since I don't want to drag dumbells and kettle bells around with me, I've had to get a little more creative with strength training. Enter...bootcamp workouts! JeepGirl style.
This is one of my favorites:
WARM UP
10 minutes jogging
30 sec high knees
30 sec dynamic trunk twists
30 sec high kicks
30 sec dynamic arm circles
30 sec jumping jacks
30 sec calf stretches each leg
30 sec hip circles
30 sec lateral trunk stretch each side
ROUND ONE
(On a relatively flat grassy surface 30 to 50 feet long. Each exercise down and back. 10 jumping jacks between each exercise)
Walking lunges with knee lift
Side stepping squats
Backward lunges
Bear crawl
30 seconds "fast feet"
Crab walk
*Jog for 2 minutes*
ROUND TWO
Walking lunges with kick
Alternating walking squats on a diagonal
Backward lunges with back kick
Bear crawl
30 seconds up/down on step
Crab walk
Jjog for 2 minutes*
ROUND THREE
20 Lunges with front foot on 16" step
10 Squats with one foot on 16" step. Repeat other leg.
10 Lunges with back foot on 16" step. Repeat other leg.
20 Push ups with hands on step.
10 Jump ups to 16" step
20 Triceps dips on step.
*Jog for 2 minutes*
COOL DOWN
30 seconds each stretch:
quads
hamstrings
IT band
calf stretch
calf stretch off step
seated trunk rotation
standing lateral trunk stretch
rear deltoid
triceps
pec stretch
Finish up with two minutes of deep breathing out in the fresh air.
What better way to spend a fall morning or afternoon?
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Meditation
This month, I set a goal for myself to meditate for 30 days. I have been doing some meditation at home with the help of a meditation CD I received as a gift last Christmas, as well as some meditations on YouTube.
But my mind is still a chaotic whirlwind.
I understand that meditation is a skill that, like any other, takes practice. It's hard practice, though. It doesn't involve reps or sets or hill repeats or balancing on one leg. It involves sitting in stillness and trying to quiet your mind. That's hard.
I don't know how to sit still. I don't know how to stop making plans and lists and goals. I don't know how to stop writing blog posts in my head.
I just walked in the woods for 5 months straight, for pete's sake, and my mind is still a chaotic whirlwind!
Sometimes it's good to have a little focused instruction.
So I signed up for a free 2 week program from Mr. Meditation himself, Deepak Chopra! The program, called Secrets of Meditation, is free and begins tomorrow, October 7.
If anyone is interested in this program, sign up here. We can become serene and centered together!
Or, at the very least, I can become okay with my mind being a chaotic whirlwind.
But my mind is still a chaotic whirlwind.
I understand that meditation is a skill that, like any other, takes practice. It's hard practice, though. It doesn't involve reps or sets or hill repeats or balancing on one leg. It involves sitting in stillness and trying to quiet your mind. That's hard.
I don't know how to sit still. I don't know how to stop making plans and lists and goals. I don't know how to stop writing blog posts in my head.
I just walked in the woods for 5 months straight, for pete's sake, and my mind is still a chaotic whirlwind!
Sometimes it's good to have a little focused instruction.
So I signed up for a free 2 week program from Mr. Meditation himself, Deepak Chopra! The program, called Secrets of Meditation, is free and begins tomorrow, October 7.
If anyone is interested in this program, sign up here. We can become serene and centered together!
Or, at the very least, I can become okay with my mind being a chaotic whirlwind.
Saturday, October 5, 2013
The workout plan
It's been almost three weeks since I finished my thru-hike and the numbness in my toes is just about gone. I am no longer waking up with swollen metatarsals. I am back to wearing my pre-hike shoe size.
Time to start running again!
I went for my first post hike run yesterday (only three miles) and while the balls of my feet were a little tender this morning, the sensitivity disappeared within an hour of waking. I passed the test. Time to start a training plan.
When I did my self assessment of my current level of fitness, a few things stood out:
1) my endurance level is off the charts! Something about hiking for 10 plus hours a day for over 5 months. That should do it.
2) My speed is kaput. Chalk it up to that law of specificity. Walking really slowly conditions you to walk really slowly. And while I've never been fast, I've never been this slow, either.
3) I am ridiculously inflexible. I had some grandiose idea that I would do yoga every day after hiking. I underestimated the amount of time it would take to set up camp, wash up, change, get water, cook dinner and eat. Yoga? Just didn't happen. I gotta make it happen now.
4) My balance and coordination are pretty darn good. Thanks to all those roots and rocks.
5) My explosive power...what is explosive power?
6) My weight is still low, but going up quickly. My appetite is still pretty big and I haven't done anything to control my eating as of yet.
For the next month, I have some pretty great workouts planned. I'm not focused on endurance, though I still want to do one LSD workout per week, be it running, biking, or hiking. The rest of the cardio workouts are either interval or tempo workouts.
As for strength, I do have a couple traditional weight workouts per week, but since I'm still in love with being outside and not ready to go back inside a gym yet, I'm doing some boot-camp style workouts in the great outdoors for strength, coordination, and power.
Plus, stretching every day and yoga two to three times per week.
I don't have any swim workouts planned yet, as I haven't joined a gym yet and with the exception of the past few days (which have been gloriously and unseasonably warm) its getting a bit cold to swim outdoors.
Wish me luck!
Time to start running again!
I went for my first post hike run yesterday (only three miles) and while the balls of my feet were a little tender this morning, the sensitivity disappeared within an hour of waking. I passed the test. Time to start a training plan.
When I did my self assessment of my current level of fitness, a few things stood out:
1) my endurance level is off the charts! Something about hiking for 10 plus hours a day for over 5 months. That should do it.
2) My speed is kaput. Chalk it up to that law of specificity. Walking really slowly conditions you to walk really slowly. And while I've never been fast, I've never been this slow, either.
3) I am ridiculously inflexible. I had some grandiose idea that I would do yoga every day after hiking. I underestimated the amount of time it would take to set up camp, wash up, change, get water, cook dinner and eat. Yoga? Just didn't happen. I gotta make it happen now.
4) My balance and coordination are pretty darn good. Thanks to all those roots and rocks.
5) My explosive power...what is explosive power?
6) My weight is still low, but going up quickly. My appetite is still pretty big and I haven't done anything to control my eating as of yet.
For the next month, I have some pretty great workouts planned. I'm not focused on endurance, though I still want to do one LSD workout per week, be it running, biking, or hiking. The rest of the cardio workouts are either interval or tempo workouts.
As for strength, I do have a couple traditional weight workouts per week, but since I'm still in love with being outside and not ready to go back inside a gym yet, I'm doing some boot-camp style workouts in the great outdoors for strength, coordination, and power.
Plus, stretching every day and yoga two to three times per week.
I don't have any swim workouts planned yet, as I haven't joined a gym yet and with the exception of the past few days (which have been gloriously and unseasonably warm) its getting a bit cold to swim outdoors.
Wish me luck!
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