weekly writing assignment

I have been a little lax lately with MamaKat's assignments. But lucky for me, this week's assignment coincides with a post I had planned for tomorrow. So all I had to do was move it back a day.

Several years ago, I was sitting down to write my annual Christmas letter and I just couldn't do it! I was in a pissy mood from a pissy year and everything I wrote sounded pissy. Then, when I tried to be more positive, I ended up overcompensating and sounding like a lunatic.

In my desperation to put something on paper, I decided to write a top ten list, and the
TOP TEN THINGS I LEARNED THIS YEAR was born. Here's this year's:

(and yes, I do tend to share too much in my Xmas correspondence. That's why people love me.)

Hello Everyone!

Well, 2008 has flown by and once again it is December. I’m still in Massachusetts, still at the same job, and still living in the Garaje Mahal. On the surface, it may seem like not much has changed since last year. But lots of subtle shifts add up to lots of change. And lots of lessons learned. So cuddle up by the fire and get ready for:

THE TOP 10 THINGS I LEARNED IN 2008

1) I WOULD MAKE A HORRIBLE MOBSTER
This should be a no-brainer. I can’t even watch mafia movies because they upset me too much. Casino, Goodfellas, the Godfather: couldn’t watch ‘em because of the violence. Yet, I still had this fantasy that I had a tough side. I let go of that fantasy this year. I could never whack somebody when I can’t even bring myself to kill a rooster. Oh, I hate him!

2) DO NOT EAT DAIRY BEFORE RUNNING A MARATHON
In 2000, I learned not to eat too much fruit before a marathon. I thought I would be safe with dairy at Myrtle Beach. Nope, not so much. Marathons, to me, embody “running” in every sense of the word. Next time -- pasta?

But, there may be no next time for marathons, because:

3) I LOVE TRIATHLONS
In May 2008, I ran a sprint tri in Hyannis and my outlook on life changed forever. Ever felt like you have been overtaken by forces greater than yourself? That’s how I feel about my infatuation with triathlons. (Though I will never do an Ironman. Let’s not get too carried away) In 2009, I plan on doing a half Ironman, though. (No dairy before hand)

4) DO NOT TAKE VITAMINS BEFORE BED
I thought I would try to be a little more health conscious this year, with the above obsession and all. Trying to eat healthy and taking vitamins. Right before bed. I had pretty much resigned to driving myself to the emergency room at 3:00am after about 2 weeks of intense nocturnal heartburn. Then I spied the vitamin bottle. (Oh.) Since I changed the vitamin schedule, I only wake up when the rooster decides I do.

5) I AM POSSESSED BY THE STENCH OF SATAN
This came as a complete surprise. I thought I was possessed only by goodness and light. But on a trip to Montreal in October, I went on a “haunted tour“ and I learned that Satan smells like…eggs. I thought it was just my love of salads and broccoli that caused this smell to follow me around so. Turns out, the devil lives in my colon! Anyone know a young priest and an old priest?

6) ALL GUYS HARBOR A PRINCESS LEIA FANTASY
This Halloween, I went out to a bar with some friends dressed as Princess Leia. It’s amazing how may pick up lines can be generated that include light sabers, “the force“, or a play on the name Princess Leia. It was a long night. Lesson learned.

7) THIS YEAR, I LEARNED HOW TO WALK IN HEELS!
Yeah, most girls master that one by age 13. Not me. But this year, I figured out that sneaker sizes and heel sizes are DIFFERENT! I couldn’t walk in heels because they kept falling off my feet! All I had to do was buy a smaller size. Better late than never. I feel so grown up!

8) CRASHING EVENTS IS FUN!
Prior to this year, I had crashed weddings, bar-b-ques, birthdays, a Thanksgiving dinner, and a company Christmas party where I knew nobody (except the entertainment). This year, I took it to a whole new level by crashing not one, but two separate high school reunions to schools I did not attend for years I did not graduate. I think crashing may be my new thing. Maybe I’ll get a movie deal out of it.

9) THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A FEMALE “WINGMAN”
Long story. Just trust me on this one.

10) LOVE HAS LITTLE TO DO WITH MEETING ANOTHER PERSON AND MUCH TO DO WITH EMBRACING LIFE

Let’s just say: life is good and love is bountiful.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYBODY! AND HAPPY 2009!