Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Christmas decorations

After school lets out, though, it's difficult to muster up Christmas cheer. You no longer have the end of the semester and the oh-so-wonderful vacation. And unless you happen to work IN a school, or maybe a florist shop, those seasonal changes just don't exist in the workplace.

Take, for instance, my job. From season to season, Christmas or not, I see an endless stream of patients and all their petty problems: "I can't walk!", "I can't sit up by myself!", "I can't get to the bathroom alone!", "Wooga wooga, wooga!" (that guy has receptive aphasia and is pissed that he can't talk). He's the most annoying of the entire annoying bunch. Jeez! How the heck am I supposed to generate an iota of Christmas cheer with this pack of characters monopolizing all my time?

The answer, my friends, is no further away than my drive home. See, on my drive home, I pass no fewer than 5 houses festooned with Christmas lights decorations. Christmas lights and decorations make me happy. And the more lights and decorations there are, the happier I am.

Sometimes I hear people throwing around insane expressions like "tasteful Christmas decorations." To that I say: "Bah, humbug!" Moderation has its time and its place. However, the time is not Christmastime. And the place is not a box of ornaments. Don't even think about trying to be "tasteful" when decorating for the holidays. Just keep putting stuff up wherever you can reach. How do you when you are done? Ask yourself: "Does it look like Christmas threw up all over my house?" If the answer is yes, then put up 2 or maybe 3 more glittery items. Then you are done. 

Another ridiculous notion: "White lights are so much classier than colored. Colored lights are tacky." I always respond in turn: "You are absolutely right. Thank goodness Clark Griswold used only white lights. Otherwise it would have looked tacky!"Other than his bland palette, though, Clark was definitely right on target.

I especially love those neighborhoods where every house on the block is overloaded with Christmas lights. You know those streets. Every town has one! The streets that look like ol' Griswold and Buddy the elf were hired as consultants. No matter how Grinchy you may be feeling, drive down one of these streets.I challenge you to do it and NOT smile. It's impossible! Because Christmas lights and decorations make people happy. 

Wooga, wooga, wooga.

1 comment:

Carolina John said...

Christmas vomit is very thorough in the deep south this year. I'm seeing plenty of it. I have the kind of house that should get lots of it, but I'm also too lazy to actually put anything up. Sometimes we'll get some halloween stuff, but that's about it.