Last Saturday Night

I've actually been feeling a bit bad for the past few days. Last Saturday, I had such a weird, out of character day. Instead of going for a run, getting my errands done, squeezing in some beach time and plopping down in front of a netflix at 8:30 -- like the responsible (ie: lame, dorky, boring) gal that I am -- I turned into Carrie Bradshaw for the day.

I started out doing some errands and ended up ditching them to purchase some completely useless things that I don't even need but decided I couldn't do without. I kicked my running shoes across the room and spent my beach time counseling a friend over the phone about how to seek revenge upon a guy who has been less than forthcoming about his level of dating availability for the past 5 weeks. (he's made her into the other woman without her knowledge. A crime punishable by no fewer than 18 possibilities)

Finally, as evening approached, I got my butt in gear and put on my super cute "active dress". It looks great and you can bend-and-twist-and-jump-and-leap-and-karate-kick-the-hell-out-of-lying-pricks while wearing it without worrying about ruining it. I always tell people that Serena Williams gave it to me. Hooray for "just a touch of lycra".

This super adorable super-hero type outfit was for a super date with somebody I will call Potential P. Potential P and I met a few weeks ago and we seem to get along well. We've gone biking and kayaking and walking on the beach and I fixed his shoulder injury and he's gonna help me buy a bike. The only problem is that I seem to be stuck in that "I'm just not there yet" phase of life. He seems pretty into me and I like him, but I'm just not there yet.

Last year at this time, I was single and miserable, pining away for M, and crying at the drop of a hat. This year, I am single and happy. I love my freedom. I love doing whatever I want, whenever I want without having to check with somebody else. And I love triathlons. I just don't seem to be heading toward love with Potential P.

I've been very up front with him about this. He knows I'm stuck firmly in Friendsville. I'm open to the idea of cruising down the highway towards Something More. I guess I've just been waiting for the road map to come blowing in the window. It hasn't yet.

So I thought, maybe the active dress was just the catalyst I needed. Every other time we've been together, we've been wearing workout wear. Maybe wearing something adorable and less sporty (Serena Williams aside) was just the ticket.

Just as I was bounding down the stairs to jeepy-jeep, though, I got a text from Potential P. He was nixing the super-date with super-me and my active dress. "Can't make it. I really have to study." He had been teaching a climbing class all day and had to work in REI the next morning. He is taking pre-req's for a course of study next year, so I suppose he does have to squeeze studying in sometime between his 3 jobs. Even if it does mean missing me leaping about in my "just a touch of lycra" garment.

I had just decided I was going to dye my hair purple that night when I got another text from another guy friend: "Get your sweet ass up to Boston." Hmmm. Rather demanding, but hey, I'm all active-dressed up with no place to go so why not?

After a series of comic misunderstandings that I will not go into here, I finally came to the conclusion that I was summoned to Boston to be Nerd's female wingman. Of course, that was before I knew that there was no such thing as a female wingman (see July 28 post). I now know that I was summoned to be Nerd's instant girlfriend for the night, otherwise known as a "pretend girlfriend". Ask any guy about it.

Well, after another series of comic/tragic misunderstandings and 5 beers, lets just say that I became really unclear on the boundaries of friendship. I forgot the definition of "pretend". Or maybe I just became the best female wingman ever! I'm not really sure of the job responsibilities. Anyway, I blame the dress. (Stupid Serena Williams!)

Sunday morning came around and I was faced with the harsh knowledge I that didn't even recognize myself. Where was the over-the-garage-dwelling, jeep-driving, distance-running, boring girl I knew so well? She had been replaced by somebody else entirely! A cute girl who does really stupid things to her hair, who looks good in an adorable dress that turns its wearer into a harlot, who lacks boundaries, has questionable morals, and strings one dude along while vying for another, though not totally on purpose. I had been replaced by Carrie Bradshaw, the Aiden years!

So for the past few days, I have been feeling rather guilty. I had thought I was "just not there yet", but maybe I was "just not into Potential P". Which is fine. But I feel like I've been sort of stringing him along. I thought of poor Potential P, sitting at home studying on a Saturday night, while I go off the deep end with Nerd.

And what is up with Nerd? I've never thought of Nerd and anything more than a nerd until Saturday. Now I'm all confused. I blame the dress. (Stupid touch of lycra!)

Well, tonight, No-Potential P and I were going to go biking after work. I figured when we got a bite to eat afterward, dressed appropriately in our workout clothes, I would let him know that I really didn't see it going anywhere other than Friendsville. I would say that while I have always been open to the idea of cruising down that highway toward Something More, there just seems to be no on-ramp. I would be that nice, boring, honest girl with stalwart morals and a desire to do stupid things to her hair. (Next weekend that purple is going IN. Oh yeah!!) I would let him down easy.

Only, just as I was getting out of work today, I got a text message from No-Potential P: "Can't make it. Still studying." "Ok", I texted back, "another time." When I started up jeepy-jeep I got another text from the same guy friend: "Hey QT- Same place as Sat?" I texted back "huh?" and he replied: "Sorry. Not 2 U. 4 my roommate." Hmmmm. It seems that Potential P had a female wingman of his own on Saturday night.

All feelings of guilt instantly fell away.

And tonight I answered the emails that Nerd has been sending me since Sunday.