Wednesday, September 3, 2008


I was toying with the idea of writing the letter to my 10 year old self when it dawned on me that I was much more well adjusted at age 10 than I am now. When I was 10, I ate, breathed, slept, and lived for gymnastics. I was the youngest girl on the "elite" team at the gym. I weighed 52 pounds. I excelled at school and was part of the "popular" crowd in 5th grade---whatever that is. (Of course, that was before junior high when the popular crowd took on a whole new meaning) My biggest worry at age 10 was that most adults thought I was a very articulate 6 year old.

Flash forward 28 years, and I don't seem to have things figured out nearly as much as I did when I was 10. I suppose this should be a clue to me to examine my life and try to get it back on track. However, that would entail lots of deep thought and that is in direct conflict with my new life philosophy.

So instead of writing a letter, I decided to examine the last 3 emails I sent:

1) I sent an email to my friend, Char, to solidify our plans for a girls weekend in 2 weeks. Our last girls weekend in Texas was 2 years ago. At the time, I hadn't seen Char in a couple years. It came as a bit of a shock to find out that she was extremely unhappy. I felt like a pretty bad friend that I had not known she was so unhappy! Unfortunately, the next year was even worse for Char. Her boyfriend of 3 years left her, she got her identity stolen, and she lost her job all in one year. I wanted to fly down to Texas, but she wanted to be alone. All I could do was email her and call and text her, trying to be a good friend. Things are finally turning around for her. So in 2 weeks, Char, D, and I are going to get together and laugh our butts off about anything and everything. I just had to email to confirm.

2) I sent an email to a wheelchair vendor to clarify the specs for a patient's new chair. Things are getting much busier in the wheelchair clinic at work. That had been one of my work goals: to expand the wheelchair clinic. However, now that it's expanded itself beyond my time constraints, I end up taking work home to get it completed. Be careful of what you wish for.

3) I sent an email to Nerd. Nerd is probably going to be moving soon. Either to another country for a few months or to another state, possibly permanently. My close friends are upset. They think he should turn down the offer and stay here. They don't understand why I'm not as upset as they. But I'm happy for him. I don't want him to turn down the offer. I think he should go. The only regrets I've ever had in my life are the times when I turned down an opportunity to travel somewhere or work in a great situation in order to stay with somebody. Inevitably, when things did not work out, I was resentful. I wouldn't want Nerd to resent me like that. I do wish our timing was a little better, though.

When you look at those 3 emails in line, it seems like my life is pretty well balanced. Then why does it seem so disjointed?

For 10 year old letters from people a bit more well adjusted than me, go to Mama's Losin It


Anonymous said...

The girl's weekend sounds fun. And Nerd's move sounds exciting, like a trial for you two. Maybe you could end up going, too. It sounds like you are not disjointed, but on a wave of change. Who knows what is around the bend now?

Anonymous said...

I tagged you on my post about 5 addictions.

Mama's Losin' It said...

I love girls weekends...and I think that's awesome that you are so supportive of Nerd's new venture. You're right. What's meant to be will's hoping the long distance thing works for you!!