So last Saturday, I got some relentless texts from Nerd. He was supposed to be on a "guy's weekend". So you can imagine my surprise when he was texting me. Texting girlfriend-type people is strictly prohibited on guys weekends, as I understand. Of course, I'm also the person who thought female wingmen existed, so don't take this as fact.
Anyway, I soon discovered that his buddies, incapable of determining north from south or operating a Tom-tom, added 2 1/2 hours onto their trip. He was in Hyannis by himself for the next 4 hours on a rainy day. Since I was already on Cape Cod, I buzzed down to hang out until his buddies arrived.
In true guy form, he worked on trying to get a back rub out of me. In true physical therapist form, I only did so after reviewing his stretching regeime and developing a new one for him. "Make sure you do this every time after you go to the gym", I said.
"You know," he replied, "I don't think my back hurts from the gym. I think its because my man-bag weighs too much."
"Your MAN BAG!" I said "What the hell do you have in a man-bag?"
"Too much stuff. It weighs about 40 pounds. I just took out the umbrella, though."
I was incredulous. "You carry an umbrella around all the time?"
"Not anymore. But you should see my umbrella. Its super fancy! When I use it, I feel like I should be wearing a trench coat and a matching hat, like Humphrey Boghart"
I looked at him. "Dude, seriously? You have no idea why people think you are gay?"
"Just because I have a man-bag? I got a lot of stuff. I think I should try switching it to my other shoulder."
"No," I told him, "You should stop carrying a purse."