Friday, June 11, 2010

Yesterday was disgusting. I mean, not totally. Work was ok...busy but ok. The gym was ok. It was only after I returned home that things went completely downhill.

I pulled into the garage and as I was walking to the door, I stepped on a junebug. I crunched and cracked under my heel and I got shivers up my spine. Still trying to shake off the junebug heebie-jeebies, I walked right into a big spiderweb that was stretched across my stairwell.

Spitting out sticky silky strands, I jumped into the shower. After the shower, I was cleaning the hair around the drain and looked down inside. It looked pretty gross. I became obsessed with what looked like a dog's chew toy inside the drain so I grabbed a phillips head screwdriver to take the drain off....I warn you -- if you ever do this, be prepared. The giant blob of wet hair held together with soap and conditioner run off is enough to make anyone vomit. (I think I threw up a little bit in my mouth while removing the monstrosity)

Finally, I figured I'd sit down, calm myself with a nice tall glass of water, and check my emails. All was going well until I took a sip of water... and felt something...not right. I spit the water back in the glass along with a daddy long legs spider that had apparently decided to go for a swim.

The worst part of that ordeal is that I was so grossed out I felt like I needed to jump in the shower and scrub half the skin off my body. But now the shower grosses me out!

And what's with all the attacks from the insects? What the hell did I do to them to make them gang up on me in such a vicious fashion?

I'll be sleeping with the lights on for the rest of the week.


spleen said...

haha!! This is fantastic. I mean, not that you had to suffer to bring us humor... but the visuals *are* cracking me up. I once stepped on a slug and it squished between my toes. An awful feeling that I can't help myself from recalling at the most inopportune times.

I actually enjoy extracting gobs of hair from a drain, it's strangely satisfying.

Anonymous said...


I don't think they're ganging up on you, though. Well, unless there's some sort of insect mafia group and that junebug you squashed was high up in the hierarchy... but I kinda doubt it. :)