check in

Could it be that the first week in August has passed already? August always makes me a little sad, thinking that summer is slipping away.

In terms of goals, things slip away, too.

1) I've been putting aside a little time each day to be silent and reflect and focus on breath. I'd like to say that extraordinary and profound thoughts bust into my head. But the only thing I seem to be acutely aware of, other than the fact that I have a hard time not thinking, is that physical pursuits run through my head. I have always been a very physical being. More a kinesthetic learner than anything else. Could it be that I've been trying way too hard for way too long to be a thinker when I should be focusing on the physical?

2) Haven't rock climbed yet.

3) Looking for an outdoor concert. Will probably do it the week I have off.

4) Still finishing up my Picasso book. Gotta get Simple Abundance next weekend.

5) Buying the bike Wed.

6) Have 3 things to give away. 6 more to go.

7) Havent even thought about it.

Slipping away. Slipping away. Slipping away.

Olympic-mania

Ah, the Olympics. Love, love, love, love, LOVE the Olympics. if for no other reason that they motivate me to move my own ass more. I have pretty much accepted the fact that at 38 years old, my childhood dream of being on the olympic gymnastics team is not going to happen. But I did see some race-walkers who were in their 40's! Maybe if I google my brains out and figure out what-the-hell-is-up-with-speedwalking and then put myself on a rigorous training regieme, I will be ready to walk in that opening ceremony in 2012???

dilemma

Here's a dilemma I never thought I would find myself in: my party schedule is interfering with my racing schedule. I've been doing a bunch of sprint tri's this summer with the goal of doing an olympic distance tri over labor day weekend. Only...some of my friends have planned a big end of the summer bash for the day before the olympic tri. And they invited Nerd. And he said yes.

So of course, I need to go because I am still trying to figure out what the hell is going on. (I suppose I could simply ask him. But somehow, I prefer the "I'll write him a note and fold it elaborately and give it to my best friend to give to his best friend to slip into his locker between 5th and 6th periods" approach. Only without the note or the locker)

So, my tentative solution is to run 3 to 4 more sprint tri's and the Cape Cod Marathon. I think that might make up for it.

And maybe I'll actually lose more than the 3 pounds I've taken off total this year.

Or maybe not.

THE PROPER WAY TO SQUEEZE TOOTHPASTE

The morning after our summer bash, I went into my bathroom to see that Nerd had not only re-arranged my medicine cabinet ("Your contact solution is two months expired. I threw it away and opened a new bottle for you") but also that he had consolidated all the toothpaste at the front of the tube, flattening and curling the end. ("Oh, you are one of THOSE who squeeze from the middle of the tube. This is the correct way. From the bottom of the tube.")

Nerd is absolutely wrong about the toothpaste tube. I'll tell you why:

1) When squeezing from the bottom, you give up control of the velocity of toothpaste expulsion. I had Tom's of Maine shooting across my sink and then I had a mess to clean up. When you squeeze closer to the opening, you have significantly more control.

2) When the tube becomes less than 1/2 full, you can then start squeezing from the bottom. It won't make a difference.

3) When squeezing from the middle, you get a gloriously satisfying squishy feeling in your fingers that you DON'T get when squeezing from the bottom.

4) When squeeezing from the bottom, you roll the end of the tube in one direction. This throws off the tube's center of gravity and you can no longer stand the toothpaste tube on its head in the medicine cabinet. If you try, it will tip over and make yet another mess to clean up.

5) Nobody will think you are crazy if you squeeze from the middle. None of your co-workers will deliberately squeeze the tube differently just to tick you off. (This is clearly free advice to him on proper laboratory edicate. I don't bring my toothpaste to work for my co-workers to squeeze)

So there.

Although I guess I am compelled to add that J agrees 100% with Nerd and wants to know if he'll be her next husband when she finally offs K for leaving his towel in the middle of the bathroom floor one too many times.

But I still think I'm right.

SUMMER PALOOZA

Last weekend, we had our annual summer bash here at the Rand-ch. Which means that last weekend we had burgers, drinks, M&Ms, bonfires, hot tubs, AND an appearance by Drunk Heather. For those of you who have not met her, Drunk Heather is alot like regular Heather, only drunker. My friend Isa says she's quite a bit more fun than regular Heather, as well.

Drunk Heather says "I love you" alot. Not only to people she has known for years, but also to people she has just met. Many years ago, in Savannah, Drunk Heather became instant best friends with a girl named Melissa who was wearing the exact same outfit as her. ( Overall shorts over a tye-died peace sign shirt and Tevas: "Oh my God! You have the same outfit as me. I love you!") As you can see, Drunk Heather is a snazzy dresser, as well. The I love you's are not limited to people, either. There are many dogs, cats, trees, bats flying through the air, stars, clouds, and various moon phases that have been the recipients of a deftly uttered "I love you" , as well.

Drunk Heather is also what was so eloquantly described last weekend as: a hug whore. Its true. I admit that when I turn into Drunk Heather, I have an inexlicable urge to hug everyone and everything. (trees, dogs, pillows, and musical instruments as well as people) I believe at one point I went around the bonfire and not only hugged everyone, but announced the winner of the best hugger award. (Jen J, for her firm yet snuggly hug technique) Drunk Heather was ineligable for the award, for obvious reasons.

Generally, I awake the morning after Drunk Heather's visit groaning and making a mental list of apologies I have to make for DH's antics. Not so this time. I have taken the opposite approach. I should be apologizing for NOT acting like DH all the time. Just think what a wonderful place this world would be if we all lived every moment like Drunk Heather:

We'd wake up in the morning thinking "Good morning! I love you sun, for making the day so bright. I love you pillow, for supporting my head and neck so comfortably while I sleep. I love you toothpaste, for keeping my teeth and gums so healthy. I love you car, for transporting me safely to work every day. I love you cranky co-worker, for putting it all out there!" There's nothing wrong with an air of gratitude in life. Though I would probably suggest you keep all these statements INSIDE your head and just let the air of gratitue shine through in other ways. Wow, what a world of shiny happy people it would be!

Now, as far as the hugging thing goes, I fully understand that many people are tactily defensive and would not appreciate an uninvited hug from a ridiculously shiny happy person. I suggest figurative hugs. The jerk that cut you off on the highway probably needs a hug. The lady in Dunkin Donuts who gave you your coffe coolatta (hug). Your cranky co-worker (hug). Your drooly, drooly dog. (He gets a real hug. Pets don't appreciate the figurative) One of my friends at work has a sign over her desk that reads: "Be more gentle than you think is necessary, because everyone is fighting a battle of some sort that you may not see." That's just a more eloquent way of saying: "everyone needs a hug." Drunk Heather a frickin' genius!

So as you go through life this week, tell everyone and everything that you love them privately inside your head. Give everyone and everything a figurative hug. Become a shiny happy person with a positive outlook. And if anyone asks "What's with you?", just answer truthfully: "I'm doing this thing where I try to live my life like a complete drunk."

What'd I tell you? Frickin' genius!

August Goals

And here we are in August. July flew so quickly. And me with no internet access or phone for half the month. Unfortunately, as far a s goals go. I failed miserably in all ways. But I guess that's ok, too. Sometimes unstructured is the way to go.
1) I did get outside and exercise more. I completed another sprint triathlon. I roller bladed more. But not every day. It rained a lot in July.
2) Ok, on the day I had planned to take a surf lesson, I instead participated in a disabled surf clinic. Not learning, but assisting. ANd I'm gonna count that as a victory. Cause it just may be the coolest, most fulfilling day I had all summer.
3) Read Jen Lancaster's book. Loved it.
4) Still haven't bought that bike. Gotta pin down Potential P. (just can't shake that name)
5) Got drinks left and right. Not on a beach bar. But in a bar nontheless. In Virginia or in Massachusetts, I look quite fetching in that active dress.
6) Dusted off the guitar. that's about it. just dusting.

Alright, I didn't fail as badly as I had thought. I was just in a cranky mood the last few days.
I keep forgetting that the whole purpose of these goals is to STOP beating myself up so much.

AUGUST:

1) For 30 days (or 27) I will meditate. I was really good with reflection and spiritual practice once upon a time. That fell along the wayside somewhere along the way. Time to claim that back.

2) This month, I will go rock climbing.

3) I will go to an outdoor concert.

4) I will read: Simple Abundance. and be grateful.

5) I'll buy that bike.

6)I'll go thru the wardrobe and give away 9 things. Why 9? Why not.

7) I'll buy a "back to school" outfit. With that unspent Macy's gift card.

Theme for August is CALM.
(and sorting out the P and Nerd situation)

Last Saturday Night

I've actually been feeling a bit bad for the past few days. Last Saturday, I had such a weird, out of character day. Instead of going for a run, getting my errands done, squeezing in some beach time and plopping down in front of a netflix at 8:30 -- like the responsible (ie: lame, dorky, boring) gal that I am -- I turned into Carrie Bradshaw for the day.

I started out doing some errands and ended up ditching them to purchase some completely useless things that I don't even need but decided I couldn't do without. I kicked my running shoes across the room and spent my beach time counseling a friend over the phone about how to seek revenge upon a guy who has been less than forthcoming about his level of dating availability for the past 5 weeks. (he's made her into the other woman without her knowledge. A crime punishable by no fewer than 18 possibilities)

Finally, as evening approached, I got my butt in gear and put on my super cute "active dress". It looks great and you can bend-and-twist-and-jump-and-leap-and-karate-kick-the-hell-out-of-lying-pricks while wearing it without worrying about ruining it. I always tell people that Serena Williams gave it to me. Hooray for "just a touch of lycra".

This super adorable super-hero type outfit was for a super date with somebody I will call Potential P. Potential P and I met a few weeks ago and we seem to get along well. We've gone biking and kayaking and walking on the beach and I fixed his shoulder injury and he's gonna help me buy a bike. The only problem is that I seem to be stuck in that "I'm just not there yet" phase of life. He seems pretty into me and I like him, but I'm just not there yet.

Last year at this time, I was single and miserable, pining away for M, and crying at the drop of a hat. This year, I am single and happy. I love my freedom. I love doing whatever I want, whenever I want without having to check with somebody else. And I love triathlons. I just don't seem to be heading toward love with Potential P.

I've been very up front with him about this. He knows I'm stuck firmly in Friendsville. I'm open to the idea of cruising down the highway towards Something More. I guess I've just been waiting for the road map to come blowing in the window. It hasn't yet.

So I thought, maybe the active dress was just the catalyst I needed. Every other time we've been together, we've been wearing workout wear. Maybe wearing something adorable and less sporty (Serena Williams aside) was just the ticket.

Just as I was bounding down the stairs to jeepy-jeep, though, I got a text from Potential P. He was nixing the super-date with super-me and my active dress. "Can't make it. I really have to study." He had been teaching a climbing class all day and had to work in REI the next morning. He is taking pre-req's for a course of study next year, so I suppose he does have to squeeze studying in sometime between his 3 jobs. Even if it does mean missing me leaping about in my "just a touch of lycra" garment.

I had just decided I was going to dye my hair purple that night when I got another text from another guy friend: "Get your sweet ass up to Boston." Hmmm. Rather demanding, but hey, I'm all active-dressed up with no place to go so why not?

After a series of comic misunderstandings that I will not go into here, I finally came to the conclusion that I was summoned to Boston to be Nerd's female wingman. Of course, that was before I knew that there was no such thing as a female wingman (see July 28 post). I now know that I was summoned to be Nerd's instant girlfriend for the night, otherwise known as a "pretend girlfriend". Ask any guy about it.

Well, after another series of comic/tragic misunderstandings and 5 beers, lets just say that I became really unclear on the boundaries of friendship. I forgot the definition of "pretend". Or maybe I just became the best female wingman ever! I'm not really sure of the job responsibilities. Anyway, I blame the dress. (Stupid Serena Williams!)

Sunday morning came around and I was faced with the harsh knowledge I that didn't even recognize myself. Where was the over-the-garage-dwelling, jeep-driving, distance-running, boring girl I knew so well? She had been replaced by somebody else entirely! A cute girl who does really stupid things to her hair, who looks good in an adorable dress that turns its wearer into a harlot, who lacks boundaries, has questionable morals, and strings one dude along while vying for another, though not totally on purpose. I had been replaced by Carrie Bradshaw, the Aiden years!

So for the past few days, I have been feeling rather guilty. I had thought I was "just not there yet", but maybe I was "just not into Potential P". Which is fine. But I feel like I've been sort of stringing him along. I thought of poor Potential P, sitting at home studying on a Saturday night, while I go off the deep end with Nerd.

And what is up with Nerd? I've never thought of Nerd and anything more than a nerd until Saturday. Now I'm all confused. I blame the dress. (Stupid touch of lycra!)

Well, tonight, No-Potential P and I were going to go biking after work. I figured when we got a bite to eat afterward, dressed appropriately in our workout clothes, I would let him know that I really didn't see it going anywhere other than Friendsville. I would say that while I have always been open to the idea of cruising down that highway toward Something More, there just seems to be no on-ramp. I would be that nice, boring, honest girl with stalwart morals and a desire to do stupid things to her hair. (Next weekend that purple is going IN. Oh yeah!!) I would let him down easy.

Only, just as I was getting out of work today, I got a text message from No-Potential P: "Can't make it. Still studying." "Ok", I texted back, "another time." When I started up jeepy-jeep I got another text from the same guy friend: "Hey QT- Same place as Sat?" I texted back "huh?" and he replied: "Sorry. Not 2 U. 4 my roommate." Hmmmm. It seems that Potential P had a female wingman of his own on Saturday night.

All feelings of guilt instantly fell away.

And tonight I answered the emails that Nerd has been sending me since Sunday.