THE PROPER WAY TO SQUEEZE TOOTHPASTE

The morning after our summer bash, I went into my bathroom to see that Nerd had not only re-arranged my medicine cabinet ("Your contact solution is two months expired. I threw it away and opened a new bottle for you") but also that he had consolidated all the toothpaste at the front of the tube, flattening and curling the end. ("Oh, you are one of THOSE who squeeze from the middle of the tube. This is the correct way. From the bottom of the tube.")

Nerd is absolutely wrong about the toothpaste tube. I'll tell you why:

1) When squeezing from the bottom, you give up control of the velocity of toothpaste expulsion. I had Tom's of Maine shooting across my sink and then I had a mess to clean up. When you squeeze closer to the opening, you have significantly more control.

2) When the tube becomes less than 1/2 full, you can then start squeezing from the bottom. It won't make a difference.

3) When squeezing from the middle, you get a gloriously satisfying squishy feeling in your fingers that you DON'T get when squeezing from the bottom.

4) When squeeezing from the bottom, you roll the end of the tube in one direction. This throws off the tube's center of gravity and you can no longer stand the toothpaste tube on its head in the medicine cabinet. If you try, it will tip over and make yet another mess to clean up.

5) Nobody will think you are crazy if you squeeze from the middle. None of your co-workers will deliberately squeeze the tube differently just to tick you off. (This is clearly free advice to him on proper laboratory edicate. I don't bring my toothpaste to work for my co-workers to squeeze)

So there.

Although I guess I am compelled to add that J agrees 100% with Nerd and wants to know if he'll be her next husband when she finally offs K for leaving his towel in the middle of the bathroom floor one too many times.

But I still think I'm right.