Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Tuesday's Bad Dates...computer date 1

I'm back, it's Tuesday and hence.....the return of:





TUESDAY'S BAD DATES:





So a couple weeks ago, I left the cliffhanger-- computer dating with a co-worker and myself.





Here is her story--





She did the whole computer dating set up thing: created a profile that was funny and clever and smart, added a bunch of super flattering pictures, posted it, and sorted through a bunch of responses. She finally decided upon a nice guy who was around the same age, a computer programmer, and liked to fish and go sailing...something she had in common. They emailed and talked and set up a time to meet.





Oh, I should mention that this nice guy took care of his mother until she died 5 years prior, of lung cancer.





Because apparently he mentioned that at their dinner. Repeatedly. Again and again and again. Did I say repeatedly? I'll say it again. Repeatedly.





Now, don't get me wrong. I think it was a wonderful thing that he did, taking care of his mother. And it would be a very traumatic thing to try to get over. So, he certainly has a right to sort of stuck on this episode in his life.





But, on a first date? Really? He couldn't have come up with any other conversation topics? Maybe written them down on flash cards he kept in his pocket? Maybe those nice hobbies of fishing and sailing? No?





My friend listened politely and asked questions and sympathized with Mr. Nice-Guy-on-Paper all the way until dessert. When he took out a stack of pictures of his mother to share with her.





I'm thinking that maybe he needs to talk to a counselor or something before going on any more dates.





(Let's all take a moment of silence and wish him luck)

Monday, January 2, 2012

January Goals

Yeah, I had that great epiphany and wrote that eloquent (maybe) post on why I've been held prisoner to my goals. But that doesn't mean I'm letting myself off the hook! I'm still a goal girl at heart and it's 2 past New Year's....OF COURSE I'm setting goals! I'm just trying to be a little more mindful in the process!

But first....

December Goal Recap:

1) Continue with marathon training and weight training 3x/week:
half credit. I got the long runs in, I got some other runs in, but my milage certainly wasn't where it should have been coming up to a marathon. But...it's a fun run, not a qualifying run. I'm gonna see Mickey and the gang! And I can definitely run 26.2 miles. So, its all good. (That was a bit of an eye opener for me, too... that I have gotten to the point where I can say with confindence that I can finish a marathon, no problem. I think I should start thinking of myself as a "runner" now)

2) Eat Clean-er
Half credit again. I've been trying to get better food choices in the house, but also occassionally giving in to the treats. Starting in on the food journal next month!

3) Get rid of 5 books, two reference.
Got rid of 4. And actually gave myself permission to not finish one of them. (referencey type book that I've gotten halfway through several times but kept because I felt like the info was "important". I still think the info could be good, but the writing in this particular book was a real snooze fest. I can get a different book on the same subject if I want. That one is OUTTA HERE!)

4) DO the kinesiotape certification.
Nope. DIdn't do it. That's two months in a row. I need to either finish this in January or accept that it's not all that important to me.

5) Get rid of 5 DVDs.
Didn't do that, either.

6) INcrease water intake to 8 glasses per day.
I increased water intake, but 8 glasses keeps me in the bathroom all day. I think I need to focus on cutting down the caffeine!

7) Finish and turn in advanced clinician paperwork
DONE!

8) Decorate the apartment all happy-like!
Yay! Success.

9) Treat holiday activities as treats, not obligations
this actually worked out well. I need to start treating everything as a treat, not an obligation

10) Wrap everything green
totally done. Not one new tag, bag, piece of wrapping paper. ANd everyone got their gifts all pretty-like, anyway!

January Goals:

I've been inundated with a bunch of invitations to participate in New Year's Challenges that sound pretty fun. AND make the goal writing portion of my life seem more like a game!

1) Keep a food journal for 30 days!
Thanks to this chippy right here, I'm going to focus on eating a little more mindfully and exploring WHY I always seem to be falling off the clean eating wagon. (after one day, I'm a bit more knowledgable, already)

2) Run outside at least one mile every day in January
This challenge is courtesy of a local running store that does group runs and such. I often feel a bit left out because my crazy work schedule doesn't allow me to participate in al0t of the runs. But this I can do. And I feel like I'm part of the running group, nontheless.

3) Exercise for 100 days straight:
This one from a facebook friend who just finished his 100 days and sent the challenge out to everyone else.

4) Have a fun time in Disney and make it the funest marathon ever!

5) Ok...really. Take the kinesiotape cert exam in January

6) Get all my finances organized in one place on the computer.
Most of my financial stuff is online now, but it's scattered in folders all over my email inbox and my desktop. Trying to figure out if I want to go Quicken or Mint. com. Anyone have thoughts?

7) Spend just 5 minutes a day of "quiet time".
See where it goes from there

8) Get my apartment all set up in order
Had somebody else living here for a while and now it's just me.

9) Figure out what I want to do about my crazy work schedule and talk to my superviser to make it happen.

10) Be present.

Ok...now I'm off to go run!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

A New Year

So 2012 is here! I, for one, am not sorry to see 2011 go. It was a very challenging year that shook me up and forced me to change the way I see a lot of things. And not in a good way. Sometimes, I feel like life is a struggle to remain un-cynical. 2011 took me in the wrong direction.

In December, I started out all gung-ho to get back into blogging and post every day. Then, I felt the need to stop posting and just spend some time turning inward and doing some private reflection and evaluation. (All the while trying to plug away on goals) In the midst of trying to pare down my book collection, I came across a sentence that gave me pause. Then shook me up. Then forced me to change the way I see myself. In a good way. Sometimes life throws you a bone to let you know its not all that bad.

So the sentence was: "Are you using your goals to move closer to your ideal self, or as a way to keep yourself busy, so that you can avoid whatever it is you should REALLY be working on?" I saw myself in that sentence. Me, the perpetual list maker, goal setter, eye-on-the-prize go-getter; me one who does all the things other people say they'd like to do but never do; I've been avoiding life! It was a bit shocking.

Fortunately, I came across one more mind blowing sentence: "What is the one thing you are going to do differnt tomorrow?" Ok, so maybe it's not all that mind blowing. But when I realized that my goal reviews focused mainly on what I hadn't accomplished and the reasons why I didn't accomplish them (I was sick for 2 weeks, I had a big project to complete that was more important, I was tired) I decided to make a subtle shift. I've spent the past 2-3 weeks focusing on making tiny changes, not giant pie in the sky goals, but tiny little changes and seeing how they pan out.

I spent New Year's Eve with my two best friends in J's new place. J, whose home I had been renting the Garaje Mahal, which is now in the distant past. J, who spent a couple months in my new place with me before finding her own place. J, whose 2011 was way way way worse than mine. I was in her new place with Shell and the energy in that new place was good, It was a calming, safe, nurturing energy. It was good.

I mentally compared that to the energy in my new place which feels rather empty. On purpose. I felt like I needed to spend some time getting rid of negativity and baggage. (I made a lot of trips to the thrift store with donations over the past couple months as I got rid of physical stuff, too)

So now, I'm thinking that as 2012 starts, and I'm sitting here in my new place that screams EMPTINESS I need to make some tiny little changes each day and start focusing not on what I DON'T want, but on what I want. What I want to fill the space where the negativity used to live.

Oh, 2012 is a blank canvas and I'm opening some paint.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

In limbo

For the past few weeks, I have been committing a crime. Daily. Not just any crime, either. THE blogging crime. For the past few weeks, I have been...lurking.

Yes, I turn on the computer and navigate over to the blog and then I...just...read what everyone else is doing and get the heck off the computer. *gasp*

One of the things I like about blogging is that it seems to put you back in touch with that inner voice, the one that is the real YOU. At least blogging does that for me. In times where I felt like I had lost myself, I'd just sit down and type for a while and I'd find myself all over again. Plus, there was the added benefit of all those other like minded souls on the same journey who acted like guides by either sharing their own journey or by making observations and comments on yours.

But for the past few weeks, I've been feeling this need to feel paper under my hands. To hold a pen in my fingers. And to keep my thoughts closed up in a book, safely closed in a drawer when I'm done.

I know I'm not the only one who feels that way from time to time. In her book, The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron assigns daily writing assignments that have to be done longhand-- typing not permitted. And I've read that sometimes Stephen King writes entire novels longhand on legal pads (and then paid his kids and their college friends to type the pages into a computer). Given the average legnth of his books, I'm surprised he even has his hands left!

I miss it though...the community, the camraderie, the practice of putting something a little less free-form, a bit more structured out there into the universe. I know it'll wait for me, though.

It's weird -- my blogging habits (not just the words, but the habits) really are a reflection of what is going on in my life. I was away for an extended period of time this year, when it felt like my life wasn't really my own. And now I'm sort of here and sort of not, lurking around in limbo. I'm on the periphery, ready to jump back into life, but not quite able to yet.

Just a few more obstacles to get around. A couple more weeks to sort things through.

Then, I'll be ready to jump back in, full force. Not only into blogging, but into life, as well!

Friday, December 9, 2011

things that make you go hmmmmm

I've found myself in a rather reflective mood the past week. (Interestingly enough, I spoke with 2 other friends who expressed the same tendency) It may be that the holidays are upon us, it may be that the year is drawing to a close, it may be that I had a number of sad cases at work that made me think that life is so tenuous.

This past week I have also been trying to shake a cold.

And my reflection and lingering cold have caused me to think of the ongoing goals that I never seem to reach. And the reasons why I never seem to reach them (not enough time and too much stress appear to be the ongoing themes) The giant pile of surprises that end up on my desk that reinforce the caffeinated rushing around existance that I continue. And the exhausted collapse that seems to happen at the end of the week. The half effort workouts, the full effort workouts that seem like just another item on the to do list. And the journal entries, blog entries unwritten, guitar unplayed, food uncooked in the fridge as I grab another protein bar on the way out the door.

It occurred to me that maybe what I need to do is cut back my work hours. 8 am to 7:30pm is too long. (It's also ironic that an industry that supposedly promotes health and well being--health care-- forces such unhealthy demand upon its workers!)

So now I have some number crunching to do.

I'm hoping it'll reveal some extra time that I can spend ab-crunching.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

weird weekend

Weird weekend. Lovely, unseasonably warm weather and me...fighting a cold. On Friday, I set out in the nice temperatures for my long run (18 miles). Well, I did it, but it was miserable. It was one of those runs where you just keep repeating "Get the miles in. Get the miles in." The miles are in. But it wasn't pretty.

I kept stopping to cough and blow my nose and hock up lugies. I walked a large portion. It took me forever. But I did it.

Saturday I paid for it. I pretty much slept the whole day. I got up to eat soup, drink tea, mega-dose with vit C and zinc, and nettie pot. I watched about 15 minutes each of 4 different Harry Potter movies. And I slept.

Today was better. Never underestimate the power of sleep! I dragged my sorry carcass to the gym and just sweated in the cardio room for an hour, letting those lungs expand and contract and move all the nastiness out of my system. And tonight...well, I'm not 100% but pretty close. All in time to go back to work tomorrow! (where did I go wrong?)

I'd take a day off to balance out the unjustness of it all, but after Saturday's sleep marathon, I feel like I just need to get the heck out of here!

Friday Dec 2nd: 18 mile run = 18 points
Saturday Dec 3rd: sleep marathon 0 points
Sunday Dec 4th: cardio = 4 points

Friday's Joy: I stepped outside and the wind was blowing just right and I smelled the ocean in a wonderful and overpowering way.
Saturday's Joy: Slipping into a hot bath and feeling the cold leave my icy toes
Sunday's Joy: watching my neice dance in her school play. (I don't know how moms do it. I almost cried watching her dance!)

Thursday, December 1, 2011

December Goals

Can it be December already? I feel like I was just at the beach! Thankfully....at least my sidebar (which I haven't been able to alter for some reason) is now appropriate. I've had a December quote up for a year now!





December 1st... when we can start opening the little doors on the advent calendar, listening to the Nutcracker Suite music, and frantically trying to get the holiday shopping done. And reviewing the goals :)


November Goals:





1) Stick to Marathon Training Plan: more or less. I'm running. I've done all the long runs. The shorter runs and speed workouts have sometimes taken a back seat to other pressing issues, but I feel like I'm where I should be.

2) Start Weight Training Again: Not as regularly as I should, but better than before.

3) Journal Daily: About half credit. It's amazing how much better I feel on the days I journal!

4) Eat Clean: Ok, this is a big fat fail. Def not clean this month. Yet I'm feeling and looking better than over the summer. I guess stress really does have a lot to do with weight, eh? But then again, so does EATING! So we'll be revisiting this next month...

5) Read and get rid of 5 books this month: Let's give a big WHOOP-WHOOP for my first complete pass! This month, I read A Discovery of Witches, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, Thrive, Finding Happiness in the Blue Zones, Cocktails for Three, and Where is the Mango Princess? Gave em away, too. So there's that.

6) Turn in my recert info...done and done!

7) And my kinesiotape certification stuff...not done and not done!

8) Book my plane tix for upcoming trips: check times two!

9) Get rid of DVDs: no...just didn't get around to it.

10) Drink 8-10 glasses of water daily: oh, half credit.

So all in all, for my first month back to goal setting I got about half credit. Not great, but not bad either. A good warm-up, if you will. Preparation for new years!

December Goals:

1) Continue with Marathon Training and Weights 3x/week

2) Eat Clean-er

3) Get rid of 5 books (again) 2 of them reference books: I was noticing last month that I have an awful lot of reference-y type books. Some work reference and some life reference. These tend to be books that I don't even consider getting rid of. Even though many I haven't used them in years and will probably never use them again. So I'm focusing on that now.

4) Do the kinesiotape cert this month

5) Get rid of 5 DVDs

6) Increase water intake to 8 glasses per day

7) Finish and turn in advanced clinician application for work

8) Decorate the new apartment in an hap-hap-happy holiday way!

9) Treat all the December activities: the cards, the decorating, the gift buying, the obligatory get togethers.... as treats, not obligations.

10) Wrap everything green Not the color green! Just in recycled bags and wrapping. Started trying to do this a few years ago. Harder than you'd think!


Exercise:

11/29: seriously fighting a cold! came home and showered and mega-dosed with zinc and vit C and soup and tea and bed: 0 points
11/30: Cardio blast: 6 points
12/1: still fighting that cold! 0 points again :(

on 11/29 I was Thankful for:
a good presentation at work
on 11/30 I was Thankful for:
tea

December's theme: joyful! (closely related to Thankful but subtly different. For instance, I would be thankful for my cute nephew, but a joyful moment would be when he smiled at me. See? Subtly different! And in a different color.)

Dec 1st joy:
Pulling on my new fleece for the first time. So soft!