I was visiting a friend in the hospital (bad day) and the TV was tuned to the Weather Channel to determine exactly when I should hit the road to avoid the worst of the impending snow storm. When on the television screen appeared a commercial for the most wonderful item: the Forever Lazy.
It's kind of like the Extreme Snuggy. It is a gigantic thick fleece set of footie pajamas for adults. They used to advertise these on the TV at Christmastime in the 70's....they were called Cuddle Ups then. Now they are back with a different name. And I feel like I must have one!
Why would anyone purposely buy such a ridiculous article of clothing? Why, for warmth, of course!
The thing is, my little yellow apartment by the beach has electric heat. Electric heat sucks. For one thing, it's expensive as all get out. I have a small 2 bedroom apartment and in the winter, my electric bill is higher than friends with four bedroom houses and 3 teenagers!
Secondly, electric heat is not very effective. It gets fairly warm in here from around mid-thigh down, but not warm at all above that level.
So, in an effort to keep myself out of the poor house and keep warm, I spend my nights on the sofa, ensconced in a fleece throw. It works fairly well, except that my shoulders often get cold. And my back. And if I'm on the computer, my arms have to be outside of the blanket. You get the picture.
But in the ingenious Extreme Snuggy, (I've decided to call this item by that name from here on out, because it sounds a lot more hip and edgy than the Forever Lazy. Even though that may be actually closer to how I'd act when wearing the item). Again, in this ingenious article of clothing, I would be completely enveloped in warmth: my back, my shoulders, my arms, and even my feet thanks to the free fleece socks that come with it!
Plus, if I had to go to the bathroom, it has a hand back flap! (ok, I would probably actually take the thing off, even I'm not that lazy!)
What I would not do, is wear it to a football game like the idiots in the commercial. Instead, I would put it on, set up a camera, and dance around to this:
I'd make a YouTube video of myself wearing this Extreme Snuggy and dancing to a one hit wonder song from the 90's, maybe even sticking my ass out of the back flap. The I would post it on YouTube and become a sensation. I'd totally end up on Ellen. Maybe I'd even wear the Forever Lazy on her show!
Of course, there was absolutely nothing I could do when I was sitting there in the hospital room, since I have a dumb phone, not a smart phone. (And by now, I'm thinking I would never order that thing off the internet) So I did the next best thing: on the way out, I bought some Girl Scout cookies from a little girl coming in to visit her grandpa. I'm eating them now. They are really tasty. And I'm wrapped up in a fleece throw, still pretty cold and forever lazy.