Oh, I had such high hopes for leap day. It was an extra day to do whatever I wanted. I had 2 sets of plans for after work, first going out with coworkers for dinner and a drink or two, then out to see a band at a place down the street. Scottish tradition has it that leap day was the day that ladies could ask a man to marry them. If they refused, they had to pay a penalty (usually a kiss). I thought I could make people buy me drinks all night.

Alas, I woke up feeling like my head was going to explode. The cold I was fighting all week finally caught up with me and left me feeling like I got run over by a truck. So my extra day was really an extra day of sleep and laundry and cleaning the apartment and watching movies.

Which, actually isn't half bad, now that I put it that way. Ialways talk about how I would love to just take a nap for no reason and how I never have time to get things done. Enter leap day.

Next weekend, next weekend. Band and drink time. Now, time for more sleep.

One thing that my 2008 readings seem to have in common is that they are definitely not "feel good" reads. Much like the majority of the movies that found themselves into this year's oscar pool, they were, in fact, downers. No laughing, no drifting off to sleep in a smiling peaceful state, no playful banter and recommendations to co-workers at lunch. These books made me sad. I am not sure how this is happening. Maybe its because I have been taking these recommendations from other sources, primarily focusing on books I would not have picked for myself. I'm normally a happy person, despite the giant shit that 2007 took right on my head. I generally read books that reflect my otherwise jovial nature. I only hope that the rest of my hand-chosen-by-others books are a little more hopeful. (I'm like Meg Ryan in Harry and Sally: I don't think melancholy and cynicism make you deeper or more intelligent. Just less fun to be around)

That being said, I thought "Drowning Ruth" was an achingly beautiful book. It is the story of the Starkey family , who live in rural Wisconsin, a landscape both beautiful and harsh and permeated by intense isolation. Though much of the story takes place in the spring and summer months, the long, cold winters take prevelence in the overall tone of the novel. Much of what is hinted at, in the landscape, the past, and in the characters themselves, is covered in snow and thick, inpenitrable ice.

The other overpowering force in the story is Lake Nagawaukee, the lake next to which the Starkey's farm resides, and in which a small island, also in the family's posession sits. The lake is a constant force, with many of the character's defining moments taking place in or next to the lake. Ruth's mother, Matilda, drowns in the lake during the winter of 1920. Ruth, herself, insists that she, too drown that same day when she was only 3 years old. Ruth's Aunt Amanda, the only other person who was there that day, insists that Ruth is mistaken: she is still alive, after all, so how could she have drown? In a series of flashbacks that are scattered throughout, we learn that Amanda's decision to leave her hometown and pursue a career in nursing came about shortly after witnessing Matilda and her boyfriend (later her husband) Carl playfully flirting and swimming in the lake. Her later decision to return home was solidified by the thought of returning to what she calls "her island" in the lake. Amanda's final struggle and eventual decision to reveal the secret truth she has been hiding from Ruth for many years comes after another tragedy on the lake that she is connected with.

The author, Christina Schwarz, skillfully doles out bits of the story in measured doses, skipping back and forth from character to character and from present to past and back again. In this way, she builds complex and very real characters whom I ended up caring about even though I originally found many of them unlikable. The story moves along at a slow but engaging pace, like spring emerging from a long winter. And when the snow finally melts and Amanda's secret is revealed, I was honestly surprised, saddened, and touched by the revelation.

I am definitely looking forward to reading other works by Christina Schwarz. Though she did not make me laugh, she did make me care about her characters and their story. What a fabulous author and a fabulous novel!

Last Sunday night, as I sat watching the Oscars, I remembered a night long ago, when I was 12 or 13, staying up late and watching the "extra TV" in my brothers' room to see who would win at the Oscars. I remember being so tired, as it was getting very late. (the speeches were much longer back then) Still, I braved on to try to make it to the end. I was so very excited, thinking that the Academy Awards were so IMPORTANT! I had some weird idea that many years later, I would be in a conversation somewhere and I would remember that exact moment when I witessed the naming of the Best Picture of the Year!

Of course, now I realize that the Oscars really aren't all that important. They are, in fact, a bit silly. As much as I LOVE movies, I think that the amount of time, effort, manpower, and money spent on a ceremony to hand out little gold statues in celebration of movies is a big waste. The fact that we broadcast this little ceremony all over the world is a bit ridicuous, too. Especially when all that anybody really remembers is who wore the ugliest dress.

I have, however, witnessed many moments on television that I will always remember; moments that really were "history in the making". I have witnessed amazing feats of athleticism that made me wonder at how others can push their bodies to that limit: Mary Lou Retton and all her gold medals; Johnny Mosely and his "big air"; Michael Jordan and his "big air" of a different sort; Rick and Dick Hoyt in their annual running of the Boston Marathon; and of course, that flying tomato guy. I have witnessed moments of happiness and sadness: the bookends of Lady Diana's wedding and Princess Diana's funeral. I have witnessed exciting moments that made me pace and fret and cheer and scream: the Red Sox winning the world series...twice! Then, I have witnessed moments that made me angry or confused or just plain dissillusioned: Columbine High School; a low speed police chase with a White Bronco; little broken bodies being carried out of an Oklahoma City building. And I have witnessed moments that made me stare, transfixed at the TV screen with tears running down my face: 9/11 and its aftermath; the destruction of Baghdad broadcast for all of America to see; the devastation of a tsunami or class 5 hurricane.

Those moments, broadcast on that small TV screen were so much bigger than anything I've ever seen on the Big Screen. Moments like that affect you, change you. Moments like that sometimes are so big that they make you numb, or make you wish you had a way to make yourself numb. They often make you long for a time when you were more innocent, when world events were too far over your head to have any effect on you. A time when everything seemed bright and colorful and perfect...like a movie set.

Ok, so maybe as I sat there watching the Oscars, I wasn't as "above it all" as I would like to think. Maybe I was secretly giddy about who would be honored for their amazing feats of making us believe in a world other than the one we live in. Maybe I've sat in a theater and laughed and cried and screamed and jumped out my seat, scared senseless. Maybe I actually think that movies are an IMPORTANT part of life. And maybe, just maybe, I was crossing my fingers and wishing for the next "J-Lo in the GREEN DRESS" moment to happen last Sunday. 'Cause THAT, I will always remember!!

Last Sunday night, as I sat watching the Oscars, I remembered a night long ago, when I was 12 or 13, staying up late and watching the "extra TV" in my brothers' room to see who would win at the Oscars. I remember being so tired, as it was getting very late. (the speeches were much longer back then) Still, I braved on to try to make it to the end. I was so very excited, thinking that the Academy Awards were so IMPORTANT! I had some weird idea that many years later, I would be in a conversation somewhere and I would remember that exact moment when I witessed the naming of the Best Picture of the Year!

Of course, now I realize that the Oscars really aren't all that important. They are, in fact, a bit silly. As much as I LOVE movies, I think that the amount of time, effort, manpower, and money spent on a ceremony to hand out little gold statues in celebration of movies is a big waste. The fact that we broadcast this little ceremony all over the world is a bit ridicuous, too. Especially when all that anybody really remembers is who wore the ugliest dress.

I have, however, witnessed many moments on television that I will always remember; moments that really were "history in the making". I have witnessed amazing feats of athleticism that made me wonder at how others can push their bodies to that limit: Mary Lou Retton and all her gold medals; Johnny Mosely and his "big air"; Michael Jordan and his "big air" of a different sort; Rick and Dick Hoyt in their annual running of the Boston Marathon; and of course, that flying tomato guy. I have witnessed moments of happiness and sadness: the bookends of Lady Diana's wedding and Princess Diana's funeral. I have witnessed exciting moments that made me pace and fret and cheer and scream: the Red Sox winning the world series...twice! Then, I have witnessed moments that made me angry or confused or just plain dissillusioned: Columbine High School; a low speed police chase with a White Bronco; little broken bodies being carried out of an Oklahoma City building. And I have witnessed moments that made me stare, transfixed at the TV screen with tears running down my face: 9/11 and its aftermath; the destruction of Baghdad broadcast for all of America to see; the devastation of a tsunami or class 5 hurricane.

Those moments, broadcast on that small TV screen were so much bigger than anything I've ever seen on the Big Screen. Moments like that affect you, change you. Moments like that sometimes are so big that they make you numb, or make you wish you had a way to make yourself numb. They often make you long for a time when you were more innocent, when world events were too far over your head to have any effect on you. A time when everything seemed bright and colorful and perfect...like a movie set.

Ok, so maybe as I sat there watching the Oscars, I wasn't as "above it all" as I would like to think. Maybe I was secretly giddy about who would be honored for their amazing feats of making us believe in a world other than the one we live in. Maybe I've sat in a theater and laughed and cried and screamed and jumped out my seat, scared senseless. Maybe I actually think that movies are an IMPORTANT part of life. And maybe, just maybe, I was crossing my fingers and wishing for the next "J-Lo in the GREEN DRESS" moment to happen last Sunday. 'Cause THAT, I will always remember!!

Oh, has it been a long time since I last updated. However, I guess that is a good thing. If you are too busy out living your life to blog about it, then I guess you are doing something right. I guess I am doing something right!

However, it is nice also to periodically review your goals and the path that you are on, so as not to just blindly stumble along, getting whatever done. (The whole point of this blog in the first place) So, anyway....

1) The whole TV thing... mainly successful, but not completely. I admit that I did fall prey to vegging out on the sofa and watching a little mindless tube a time or two. However, the overall amount of TV consumption was down significantly this month. Most importantly, I'm not just turning the TV on automatically for background noise while I go about my business. I am not mindlessly channel surfing and picking the least offensive choice even though it does not interest me. I am not wondering where all my time has gone as show after mindless show marches across the screen in front of me. Sometimes, this month, I actually have wondered where time has gone while I knock out 100 pages from a book. Which could arguably be a better choice, but overall is just the same thing in a different package. I guess, as February comes to a close, what I want to take away from this experiment, is a more mindful use of my time. TV isn't necessarily a bad thing; its just that I had been using it too much to tune out. I'm not doing that so much anymore.

2) Finished "Drowning Ruth"; a very good book. More on that and on January's book in the days to come.

3) Still need to get my damn hair cut! What the hell is wrong with me?

4) Oh, yeah. I was busy training for and running a marathon. Finished in a slow but respectable time. Can't wait for my toenail to heal up enough to start triathalon training.

5) Went to the movie with Gene. Saw a movie that is getting nominated, but not winning anything as I write this: "There Will Be Blood". Again, more on that in the days to come.

6) OK, didn't get an Oscar nite party together, since I am sitting here blogging as the Oscars play in the background. But I did have a mini girls day with the girls yesterday (they with their babies, me with the tales of going out relayed to them.) Plus, we had a nice little B-day party for my dad today. Nice family and friends time. Feeling more connected. And less cranky and volatile than I was around my family last year. It sounds awful to say that. But I was in a bad place last year. I'm not there anymore.

7) I also have a lot of pre-packaged things to try out for recipes from my sister in law and her home business thing.

8) Didn't do anything CRAZY on Vday. But leap day is next week. Postpone to then and done.

Lots more writing next week. Then on to March!!!

The good news is: I took a benadryl before going to bed Tuesday nite and woke up Wednesday without a trace of a headache. Medicine rules. The not so good news is: the cold February weather rolled back in this week and its been windy and wet and raw. I'm back to hating February.

Cutting out TV has been surprisingly easy. Especially since I have decided that Netflix doesn't count and I am able to watch up to 2 movies per week. Which I actually have not. 2 every week and a half is more like it. Its amazing how much more time I have. And how the guitar thing is easier without the distraction of TV. (3 to 4 times per week) So that's good. I do have more headaches, though. Is it because I am coming down with something, because I am doing more active (ie cleaning and reading) things which give me headaches, or because TV is actually like an electronic asprin the takes headaches away by making you brain-dead? Something to ponder.

I have my new book in possession, but have not yet cracked it open. I was busy finishing the other one. But still, I'm ahead of last month and I have a plane ride next week to do it in.

I have not made one once of effort into getting my hair cut. Gotta get on that.

Wednesday, I ventured out with K to see that band, again. I am happy to report that even though I did not come away with anything free on Wed, I still appear to be just as popular with both band and bar crowd. It really beats sitting at home and pining away for somebody who lives 3000 miles away. One movie to go.

I tried out a new recipe. Squash soup. Its delicious. I love my slow cooker and I'm excited to put it to good use through the cold, wet, raw season.

Next week looks to be a bit of a bust at the beginning. I am still at my parents dogsitting which takes up a surprising amount of time with his ultra-walks. Plus I am working 3 tens Mon thru Wed, which leaves precious little time to do anything else after work and dog duties. Thursday, though, and things get started. I am on the plane to Myrtle Beach, (reading my book along the way) where I will do SOMETHING crazy that nite, do a marathon, and catch up with G!

I can't wait.

I have had a terrible headache for 2 days straight. It is right over my left eye, into my left temple, and down to my left ear and jaw. Logic tells me I am probably fighting a sinus infection. But I have been sucking down water and tea and sudafed like they're M&M's, all to no avail. It actually seems to be getting worse. Now my actual eye ball hurts and I get intermittant intense sharp pains in my temple. I don't think its a worsening infection. I think I have either a brain tumor or an aneurysm about to burst. Worst of all, I accidently left my purse and cell phone in work. So if I have to emergently drive myself to the hospital in the middle of the night, all my identification is in my cabinet at work. I wonder if my supervisor would be so kind as to zip it over to the hospital so I could get pre-approval from my HMO before they perform ed emergency surgery on me tomorrow morning? Oh, that wouldn't work, would it? They'd have to med-flight me into Boston for that kind of procedure. I guess I'll just have to keep hoping that its, in fact, a cold on steroids.

Oh, what a glorious day! I started off the day by doing something that I recently noted I don't do anymore: sleeping in on Sunday. I rolled out of bed at around 9:00. It was wonderful. Then after getting myself up and out, I headed down to the canal for a run. My original plan was to go for about 14 miles. But it was so warm out (I would say close to 50) that when I got to the end of the canal near the beach, I kicked off my sneakers and walked in the sand. Ok, it was actually a little cold to have my feet in the sand (there were still patches of snow here and there from Monday) but it still was great.

After I dusted my feet off, put my shoes back on, and started to run back, I was reminded of February vacation when I was in 8th grade. It reached 80 degrees by some freak weather turn (we later had a blizzard in March) and my friends and I spent the week reclining in the sun and listening to mixed tapes in the yard. [Remember mixed tapes? I somehow think kids now are luckier with itunes, but will never know the fun of having the tape in the recorder, RECORD and PLAY pushed down along with PAUSE, just waiting for that special song to come on so you could sprint across the room and dive at the radio to un-pause the tape (praying the DJ wouldn't talk over the whole intro and wreck it). ] Remember how important it felt to have YOUR music on, even if it was just doing nothing but laying on the back porch with your friends? That February vacation was just that: enjoying music and sun and friends.

Today was like being transported back to that one moment in time. The gift of an unseasonably warm day in February, my favorite music on the ipod, and a whole afternoon of nothing but enjoying them both.

February may become my favorite month, yet.

Ahhh, February, my old nemesis. This is the year I will try to make friends with you. Lord knows, last year we were not so nice to each other. This year comes with a set of tasks that shoud make the road a little smoother. (Hopefully)

(1) For 30 days...I will not watch any television. Well, with a couple of exceptions. The Super Bowl, of course. Go Patriots! and maybe the Oscars (if we decide to have the Oscars party, complete with red carpet and golden treats. Then again, we may just opt for the PJ party again). The whole point not being "I can't socialize with friends if a TV is in the room", but to stop the mindless vegging on the sofa when there are other things I could be occupying my time with. Like finishing those scrapbooks. Or playing that GI-TAR. It's a great time to go for it. The writers are still on strike and the reality shows have sunk to an all new low. (a show about people answering questions while hooked up to a polygraph machine? Really? Seriously?) Nobody needs to watch that. Especially me.

(2) My book of the month is "Drowning Ruth". Not a high school curriculum book, but an Oprah Book Club book. A couple years ago this was all the buzz, everyone was talking about it. I was a little out of the loop. And while one could argue that I am still out of the loop (nobody's talking about it anymore) I'm okay with that. When have I ever really been in the loop? Never.

(3) Since my adventures in consumerism left me dazed and confused last month, and since I had to make another unexpected grand purchase (new ipod) I figured this month, I would force myself to purchase not an item, but a service. Get my freaking hair cut! How many other people in the world need to make getting a haircut a task on a bloglist in order to do it? Just me? Ok. My last haircut was in MAY (and only because one week after taking the hard top off the Jeep, I couldn't stand the dread-locked mess I had become). Its time. Maybe with a smashing new top and a stylish new 'do I could score more free crap when going out. Which brings us to...

(4) I owe a trip to the movies to January. And I need to go out to see a band in February. And I need to talk to somebody I don't know there. Not to flirt or get a phone number. Just to lube up the social areas of the psyche and break out of the introvert bubble I've been swimming around in.

(5) Party/ get together/ thingee: Oscar nite. Or Miss America nite. Or maybe just another PJ nite. As long as I am hanging out with the non-going out crowd and maybe being a little snarky at the same time. (Snarky toward the Oscar nominees and Miss A contestants. Not each other)

(6) Run a marathon. Technically, I have done this before, so it isn't "something I have never done". But I only ran one. Eight years ago. And I didn't run it side by side with a friend. So this is new enough.

(7) I also vow to do something CRAZY on Valentines Day. Not sure what. But, since I will be arriving in Myrtle Beach, SC on V-Day and hanging out with a gay man (my very own Will to my Grace. My back up plan if I decide to just stuff the whole life-path thing and give in to the dream of growing old with a platonic friend) I am sure we will think of something.

(8) I will try a new recipe. Sounds sort of lame, I know. But we have to add spice to our lives in any little way possible. Plus, I like food.

So that's it in a nutshell. The month of pink and red and flowers and hearts. Mine to shred as I wish.

FEBRUARY

WE LIVE IN A WORLD OF ABUNDANCE, BUT TOO OFTEN WE CHOOSE TO LIVE WITH SCARCITY.

Here it is February, already. Or at last. January was both long and fleeting, like so many things in life seem to be. As I look back upon my grand effort to start the year off with a bang, I see that I was both successful and not-so -successful. But, as I say to my patients, I am on the right path and I see where I need to focus my efforts.

Nowhere is that more evident than in my first 30 day effort: to exercise every day and play guitar every day. I exercised 28 of 30 days, which is pretty darn good. The 2 days I didn't exercise were: the day after an 18 mile run and the day it snowed 16 inches and the gym wasn't open before work. True, I could have done a yoga DVD on both of those days, but I didn't. And I'm okay with that. Guitar-wise, not so great. I played only 14 of 30 days. Less than 50%. It seems that M still has a hold on me that creeps through when I try to do things that were more "his" things than "my" things. I was always more of the exercise fiend than him. He was the musician. I am going to keep plugging away on making the guitar more "mine". I do have that great free CD of awesome guitar music to inspire me. And M has never heard it. Its all mine.

I am almost through "Wuthering Heights". I was a bit late on beginning that task, as the library seemed intent of keeping me from obtaining that book, but I finally got it. I should be done by the end of the weekend. More on that later.

Going out top...purchased! (Sort of.) It's on back order and should be shipped any day now. I am anxiously awaiting the opportunity to try the damn thing on to see how freaking hot I am. (Did I mention I'm getting free swag again?) Hot, I tell you! I am becoming the hot tamale I once was, only wiser. And more sarcastic. Those are good qualities, aren't they?

Ok, I didn't go out to the movies. I watched enough net-flix to kill a horse, but didn't make it to an actual movie theater. I did make it to a bar though. Where I saw a live band and interacted with actual people. So that's actually better. (And did I mention the guitarist gave me a free CD? I don't think I've told anyone yet) I'm gonna count this as a success. Done and done. I can go to a movie AND see a band next month.

Had a PJ party with the gals. (and the kids) Fun fun fun, more more more to come.

And last but not least, online class underway.

Goodbye January! You were good to me. I always liked you better than February, but I guess now I'm stuck with that bitch for a whole month. Maybe this is the year we can become good friends. It is a leap year, after all.