Sunday, December 18, 2011

In limbo

For the past few weeks, I have been committing a crime. Daily. Not just any crime, either. THE blogging crime. For the past few weeks, I have been...lurking.

Yes, I turn on the computer and navigate over to the blog and then what everyone else is doing and get the heck off the computer. *gasp*

One of the things I like about blogging is that it seems to put you back in touch with that inner voice, the one that is the real YOU. At least blogging does that for me. In times where I felt like I had lost myself, I'd just sit down and type for a while and I'd find myself all over again. Plus, there was the added benefit of all those other like minded souls on the same journey who acted like guides by either sharing their own journey or by making observations and comments on yours.

But for the past few weeks, I've been feeling this need to feel paper under my hands. To hold a pen in my fingers. And to keep my thoughts closed up in a book, safely closed in a drawer when I'm done.

I know I'm not the only one who feels that way from time to time. In her book, The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron assigns daily writing assignments that have to be done longhand-- typing not permitted. And I've read that sometimes Stephen King writes entire novels longhand on legal pads (and then paid his kids and their college friends to type the pages into a computer). Given the average legnth of his books, I'm surprised he even has his hands left!

I miss it though...the community, the camraderie, the practice of putting something a little less free-form, a bit more structured out there into the universe. I know it'll wait for me, though.

It's weird -- my blogging habits (not just the words, but the habits) really are a reflection of what is going on in my life. I was away for an extended period of time this year, when it felt like my life wasn't really my own. And now I'm sort of here and sort of not, lurking around in limbo. I'm on the periphery, ready to jump back into life, but not quite able to yet.

Just a few more obstacles to get around. A couple more weeks to sort things through.

Then, I'll be ready to jump back in, full force. Not only into blogging, but into life, as well!

Friday, December 9, 2011

things that make you go hmmmmm

I've found myself in a rather reflective mood the past week. (Interestingly enough, I spoke with 2 other friends who expressed the same tendency) It may be that the holidays are upon us, it may be that the year is drawing to a close, it may be that I had a number of sad cases at work that made me think that life is so tenuous.

This past week I have also been trying to shake a cold.

And my reflection and lingering cold have caused me to think of the ongoing goals that I never seem to reach. And the reasons why I never seem to reach them (not enough time and too much stress appear to be the ongoing themes) The giant pile of surprises that end up on my desk that reinforce the caffeinated rushing around existance that I continue. And the exhausted collapse that seems to happen at the end of the week. The half effort workouts, the full effort workouts that seem like just another item on the to do list. And the journal entries, blog entries unwritten, guitar unplayed, food uncooked in the fridge as I grab another protein bar on the way out the door.

It occurred to me that maybe what I need to do is cut back my work hours. 8 am to 7:30pm is too long. (It's also ironic that an industry that supposedly promotes health and well being--health care-- forces such unhealthy demand upon its workers!)

So now I have some number crunching to do.

I'm hoping it'll reveal some extra time that I can spend ab-crunching.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

weird weekend

Weird weekend. Lovely, unseasonably warm weather and me...fighting a cold. On Friday, I set out in the nice temperatures for my long run (18 miles). Well, I did it, but it was miserable. It was one of those runs where you just keep repeating "Get the miles in. Get the miles in." The miles are in. But it wasn't pretty.

I kept stopping to cough and blow my nose and hock up lugies. I walked a large portion. It took me forever. But I did it.

Saturday I paid for it. I pretty much slept the whole day. I got up to eat soup, drink tea, mega-dose with vit C and zinc, and nettie pot. I watched about 15 minutes each of 4 different Harry Potter movies. And I slept.

Today was better. Never underestimate the power of sleep! I dragged my sorry carcass to the gym and just sweated in the cardio room for an hour, letting those lungs expand and contract and move all the nastiness out of my system. And tonight...well, I'm not 100% but pretty close. All in time to go back to work tomorrow! (where did I go wrong?)

I'd take a day off to balance out the unjustness of it all, but after Saturday's sleep marathon, I feel like I just need to get the heck out of here!

Friday Dec 2nd: 18 mile run = 18 points
Saturday Dec 3rd: sleep marathon 0 points
Sunday Dec 4th: cardio = 4 points

Friday's Joy: I stepped outside and the wind was blowing just right and I smelled the ocean in a wonderful and overpowering way.
Saturday's Joy: Slipping into a hot bath and feeling the cold leave my icy toes
Sunday's Joy: watching my neice dance in her school play. (I don't know how moms do it. I almost cried watching her dance!)

Thursday, December 1, 2011

December Goals

Can it be December already? I feel like I was just at the beach! least my sidebar (which I haven't been able to alter for some reason) is now appropriate. I've had a December quote up for a year now!

December 1st... when we can start opening the little doors on the advent calendar, listening to the Nutcracker Suite music, and frantically trying to get the holiday shopping done. And reviewing the goals :)

November Goals:

1) Stick to Marathon Training Plan: more or less. I'm running. I've done all the long runs. The shorter runs and speed workouts have sometimes taken a back seat to other pressing issues, but I feel like I'm where I should be.

2) Start Weight Training Again: Not as regularly as I should, but better than before.

3) Journal Daily: About half credit. It's amazing how much better I feel on the days I journal!

4) Eat Clean: Ok, this is a big fat fail. Def not clean this month. Yet I'm feeling and looking better than over the summer. I guess stress really does have a lot to do with weight, eh? But then again, so does EATING! So we'll be revisiting this next month...

5) Read and get rid of 5 books this month: Let's give a big WHOOP-WHOOP for my first complete pass! This month, I read A Discovery of Witches, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, Thrive, Finding Happiness in the Blue Zones, Cocktails for Three, and Where is the Mango Princess? Gave em away, too. So there's that.

6) Turn in my recert info...done and done!

7) And my kinesiotape certification stuff...not done and not done!

8) Book my plane tix for upcoming trips: check times two!

9) Get rid of DVDs: no...just didn't get around to it.

10) Drink 8-10 glasses of water daily: oh, half credit.

So all in all, for my first month back to goal setting I got about half credit. Not great, but not bad either. A good warm-up, if you will. Preparation for new years!

December Goals:

1) Continue with Marathon Training and Weights 3x/week

2) Eat Clean-er

3) Get rid of 5 books (again) 2 of them reference books: I was noticing last month that I have an awful lot of reference-y type books. Some work reference and some life reference. These tend to be books that I don't even consider getting rid of. Even though many I haven't used them in years and will probably never use them again. So I'm focusing on that now.

4) Do the kinesiotape cert this month

5) Get rid of 5 DVDs

6) Increase water intake to 8 glasses per day

7) Finish and turn in advanced clinician application for work

8) Decorate the new apartment in an hap-hap-happy holiday way!

9) Treat all the December activities: the cards, the decorating, the gift buying, the obligatory get togethers.... as treats, not obligations.

10) Wrap everything green Not the color green! Just in recycled bags and wrapping. Started trying to do this a few years ago. Harder than you'd think!


11/29: seriously fighting a cold! came home and showered and mega-dosed with zinc and vit C and soup and tea and bed: 0 points
11/30: Cardio blast: 6 points
12/1: still fighting that cold! 0 points again :(

on 11/29 I was Thankful for:
a good presentation at work
on 11/30 I was Thankful for:

December's theme: joyful! (closely related to Thankful but subtly different. For instance, I would be thankful for my cute nephew, but a joyful moment would be when he smiled at me. See? Subtly different! And in a different color.)

Dec 1st joy:
Pulling on my new fleece for the first time. So soft!