Yesterday I headed out for a nice, long run. 14 miles. Really starting to kick up the mileage in the marathon training program. And the magical point which, for me, is the transition to REAL distance. (It's always been 14 miles. That's when it feel like a LONG distance) It's also when the mental benefits of long runs kick in.
Last weekend was a 13 mile run. Not much shorter. And really? I should have been feeling those mental benefits last week. But with the impending storm moving in, I was focused on getting the miles all done before the wind and rain and possible snow started. So I started mixing workouts. Distance + speed + intervals. It's kind of like mixing beer + wine + hard liquor. After 13 miles of tempo plus ladder intervals and ending with more tempo, I felt like I had just ingested a few red party cups of Jungle Juice. And the next day I pretty much felt like I had gotten run over by a truck. So much for the nice, relaxing, Zen effects of long runs.
This week was different. This week I focused on the LSD I can become so addicted to. (don't worry...Long Slow Distance! I'm not turning to pharmacology just yet) This week, my brain cooperated, as well.
The last marathon I trained for specifically to empty my head I was so happy to find that the endlessly chattering voice in my head shut up on long runs. Yesterday, I found something different. The chattering voice came back. Which was a good thing, this time. Because as endlessly chattering as that voice is, at least it's sort of happy. Upbeat. Optimistic. Though at times annoying.
What I hadn't fully realized until yesterday was that the voice in my head over the past few months has been angry. Really, really angry. Without justifying it or getting into the ugly details, I'll just say that I did have reason to be angry. But I never knew that the anger would take up permanent residence in my head. And make me into an angry person.
I mean, there's angry and then there's ANGRY. I was angry with a lower-case l. But even that's too much. It's just not me. Yet it had become me.
So somewhere between mile 5 and 6, the anger melted away. It didn't melt away and drift off with the tide, but it stopped talking. And the chipmunk voice came back. I missed that chipmunk voice! It plans and arranges and supposes and what-if's almost to the point of obsession. But it never feels like taking a Louisville Slugger to somebody's head. It's a happy voice!
So even though when I was driving home from the canal, the angry voice tried to weasel its way back into my head, I recognized it and was able to shut it out.
Chipmunk: 1, weasel: 0.
And that's what I call a successful run!
Next week I do 15.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
Chaos Theories
Ok, so once again, I must ask: WHAT IS UP WITH THE UNIVERSE?
2011 seems to be the year of chaos. Any physicists out there, feel free to email me and explain the finer intricacies of chaos theory and how it came to cumulate in 2011. (Or maybe I'm just some kind of vortex pulling in bad energy this year?)
Finally, I've moved onto a place where there is no more bad energy at home. Now work is in absolute chaos.
Weird stuff. Yesterday, two people walked out...just walked out in the middle of the work day...in tears. I have no idea why. There was lots of speculation and theories flying around the staff room yesterday evening, but no rock solid evidence.The afternoon was spent running around like lunatics trying to accommodate their patients and workload. (We got it done, though. We are awesome)
Until now, work has been, sadly, the one consistent thing in my life. Sure, there were little annoyances, as there always are in any work situation, but for the most part, it was -- well-- work. Go, do my job, come home. Now, it's drama. What's up with that?
Is it me? Am I exuding some kind of chaos pheromone that causes those in close proximity to me to have meltdowns? Is there a soap for that?
Will 2012 change all that? Or is the Aztec prediction going to come true and the world will end in 2012? Maybe I'm merely a seisometer to the upcoming disaster.
I got plans, though, and the end of the world will really mess them up.
Yesterday, I was thankful for:
starting a new book
And today I am grateful for:
long runs.
2011 seems to be the year of chaos. Any physicists out there, feel free to email me and explain the finer intricacies of chaos theory and how it came to cumulate in 2011. (Or maybe I'm just some kind of vortex pulling in bad energy this year?)
Finally, I've moved onto a place where there is no more bad energy at home. Now work is in absolute chaos.
Weird stuff. Yesterday, two people walked out...just walked out in the middle of the work day...in tears. I have no idea why. There was lots of speculation and theories flying around the staff room yesterday evening, but no rock solid evidence.The afternoon was spent running around like lunatics trying to accommodate their patients and workload. (We got it done, though. We are awesome)
Until now, work has been, sadly, the one consistent thing in my life. Sure, there were little annoyances, as there always are in any work situation, but for the most part, it was -- well-- work. Go, do my job, come home. Now, it's drama. What's up with that?
Is it me? Am I exuding some kind of chaos pheromone that causes those in close proximity to me to have meltdowns? Is there a soap for that?
Will 2012 change all that? Or is the Aztec prediction going to come true and the world will end in 2012? Maybe I'm merely a seisometer to the upcoming disaster.
I got plans, though, and the end of the world will really mess them up.
Yesterday, I was thankful for:
starting a new book
And today I am grateful for:
long runs.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Boom Boom Pow
So today, I was walking into the gym while this guy was walking out. He gave me a once over and said "BOOM."
Not sure what that meant.
But I decided to take it as a compliment and said "Thank you" before going in and working out.
Boom.
Today I am thankful for:
ambiguity
Not sure what that meant.
But I decided to take it as a compliment and said "Thank you" before going in and working out.
Boom.
Today I am thankful for:
ambiguity
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
november goals
Happy November Everyone!
I have officially been in my new place for one month today. And I didn't fully realize what bad energy was floating around my old place until I was out. It's much better here. I can sleep. Even when things were better at my old place I couldn't sleep. Now...well...things are always better when you can sleep!
Anyhow, now that I'm a little more settled and a lot more rested, it's time to jump back into my nice little bloggie routine that I have been neglecting for the past 8 months!
Which, in JeepGirl land means
Goals for November:
(where would I be without my goal lists?)
1) Stick to my marathon training plan.
Despite my more relaxed place and better sleeping habits, my running has still been a bit sporadic. Not good when a marathon is looming. It's ok though. I can ramp it up.
2) Start weight training again.
Now that I've eased back into cardio, time to pile the weights back on. So I can take off the weight I piled on.
3) Journal Daily
Fell out of that habit for a while. And felt a little lost. Journaling, I have found, like exercise, keeps me grounded.
4) Eat Clean.
Or cleaner, anyway. Just as soon as I finish this handful of candy corn. Totally. I swear. I'm starting now.
5) Read and get rid of 5 books this month
I got too many books. I really do.
6) Turn in my recert info for adaptive technology professional.
7) And my kinesiotape certification stuff.
(and maybe cut the crap with all this certification stuff. seriously)
8) Book my plane tickets for marathon in January and my big trip in March
I'll share more about that later. It's going to be SOOO cool!
9) Get rid of 5 DVD from my basket of DVDs.
How the heck did so many accumulate?
10) Drink a 8 - 10 glasses of water daily.
In a weird way, I started feeling bad about myself when I was writing goals down on a little sticky yesterday. I mean, how many times do I have to try to accomplish the same goals over and over again? But then, I read something on Facebook from an acquaintance of mine. He lost 150# three years ago and now works for that Herbalife company as a spokesperson of sorts. Seems he had some hard things in his life this year and he put 60 pounds back on. And he was posting a very humble post about starting all over again from square one. I didn't feel like HE was a failure. I thought that he was very brave for starting all over again. So why didn't I feel like that about myself when I keep revisiting the same goals? I really should.
I keep attempting the same goals repeatedly. Maybe they are just very worthwhile goals, eh?
And, because November is Thanksgiving month:
TODAY I AM GRATEFUL FOR:
my new apartment.
I have officially been in my new place for one month today. And I didn't fully realize what bad energy was floating around my old place until I was out. It's much better here. I can sleep. Even when things were better at my old place I couldn't sleep. Now...well...things are always better when you can sleep!
Anyhow, now that I'm a little more settled and a lot more rested, it's time to jump back into my nice little bloggie routine that I have been neglecting for the past 8 months!
Which, in JeepGirl land means
Goals for November:
(where would I be without my goal lists?)
1) Stick to my marathon training plan.
Despite my more relaxed place and better sleeping habits, my running has still been a bit sporadic. Not good when a marathon is looming. It's ok though. I can ramp it up.
2) Start weight training again.
Now that I've eased back into cardio, time to pile the weights back on. So I can take off the weight I piled on.
3) Journal Daily
Fell out of that habit for a while. And felt a little lost. Journaling, I have found, like exercise, keeps me grounded.
4) Eat Clean.
Or cleaner, anyway. Just as soon as I finish this handful of candy corn. Totally. I swear. I'm starting now.
5) Read and get rid of 5 books this month
I got too many books. I really do.
6) Turn in my recert info for adaptive technology professional.
7) And my kinesiotape certification stuff.
(and maybe cut the crap with all this certification stuff. seriously)
8) Book my plane tickets for marathon in January and my big trip in March
I'll share more about that later. It's going to be SOOO cool!
9) Get rid of 5 DVD from my basket of DVDs.
How the heck did so many accumulate?
10) Drink a 8 - 10 glasses of water daily.
In a weird way, I started feeling bad about myself when I was writing goals down on a little sticky yesterday. I mean, how many times do I have to try to accomplish the same goals over and over again? But then, I read something on Facebook from an acquaintance of mine. He lost 150# three years ago and now works for that Herbalife company as a spokesperson of sorts. Seems he had some hard things in his life this year and he put 60 pounds back on. And he was posting a very humble post about starting all over again from square one. I didn't feel like HE was a failure. I thought that he was very brave for starting all over again. So why didn't I feel like that about myself when I keep revisiting the same goals? I really should.
I keep attempting the same goals repeatedly. Maybe they are just very worthwhile goals, eh?
And, because November is Thanksgiving month:
TODAY I AM GRATEFUL FOR:
my new apartment.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
breathe
Sometimes, I just need to remind myself that there are only TWO things I need to accomplish each day:
1) breathe in
2) breathe out
sigh.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
RECLAIMATION
So...the dilemma I have been facing is this: how do you move back into the center of your own life when you have been living at the perimeter for too long? It's harder than you'd expect. And I really don't have all the answers, even though I scoured Oprah magazine at the gym for several nights. I've been left to figure it out on my own. So far, this is what I've come up with
HOW TO RECLAIM YOUR LIFE
1) Be outside as much as possible
I find that when I'm inside, there are too many unhealthy distractions. Too many things to obsess about. Too many things to keep my focus outside myself. But when I'm outside, the opposite happens. First, my attention is pulled outside my scattered brain. Then as I absorb all the good, nature-y things around me, I feel myself being pulled back in. But lower. I feel centered somewhere around the bottom of my rib cage. And my diaphragm doesn't chatter incessantly like my brain. It just breathes.
I'm happy the weather has been nice on my days off. I'm especially happy that my new place is one mile from the beach.
2) Downsize
Getting rid of things has been an ongoing theme in my life. And for the most part, I don't have a lot of stuff. So how come when I moved, I ended up moving so much STUFF? It would make more sense to purge before a move. But it's much easier to purge after you've had to lug all your crap from one place to another. As I've unpacked, I've thought: really? REALLY? I kept that? For what? Then other things, I have to "go through". And still others, I need to use, or wear, or read and then decide. My goal, in 6 -12 months is to cut down by half. (I got way too many books) The nice thing is: as I downsize, I feel lighter. And freer. And more me.
3) Clean UP
In the weirdest way, on my day off, as I go through my weekly chores of laundry and vacuuming and doing the dishes and cleaning the bathroom and going grocery shopping, I feel centered and at peace. And happy. I never thought that cleaning would make me happy. But having control over my own environment sure does. And cleaning gives me a sense of control.
4) Volunteer
I've been doing a lot of volunteering with the adaptive sports program we have at work. And another organization that does hiking with disabled folks. It feels good. (and goes nicely with the be outside goal, too) I may check out the local animal shelter one day a month, too. I'll see if I have the time.
5) Drink lots of tea
It's a nice little ritual I got into since my move to my new place. It's a nice transition to sleepy time from work-and-work-out time. Plus, it keeps me from eating at night.
6) Cut down on the junk food
I was stressed out a lot this year. And I ate a lot of junk this year. (I'm a stress eater!) As a result, I put on some weight this year. (thank goodness I got all those cute tankini's last year on sale!) So now, I'm trying to get back to my happy weight and my happy state of health.
7) Train for another marathon
I've just never found a more effective way to move past something bad and onto something good than in running long distances according to a specific plan with a specific time frame and a concrete goal. Marathon training is the best! Plus, this particular marathon has Mickey Mouse and Goofy along the route! (Disney 2012!)
8) Spend time with your dad!
My dad helped me move. My dad helped me clean out the jeep and put the hard top on last weekend (so sad to put the soft top away) My dad showed up at my place with all new cleaning stuff, picture hooks, batteries, light bulbs, and easy to cook food for the first week. My dad is the best. I've felt better since hanging out with my dad.
9) Tie up as many loose ends as possible
I haven't been able to tie up the BIG ones. But I'm trying to keep all the little things in a state of completion. At home. At work. At the gym. In the car. No half done daily notes before I leave. No dishes left in the sink. No laundry left on the floor. No recycling sitting on the passenger seat of the car for three days until I make it to the recycling center. Everything is started and finished. Nothing to distract me. Nothing to keep me from being front and center!
10) Start blogging again
I started blogging way back when to "find my voice" once again when I forgot who I was. And now I'm back. For the same reason.
Let the journey begin!!
HOW TO RECLAIM YOUR LIFE
1) Be outside as much as possible
I find that when I'm inside, there are too many unhealthy distractions. Too many things to obsess about. Too many things to keep my focus outside myself. But when I'm outside, the opposite happens. First, my attention is pulled outside my scattered brain. Then as I absorb all the good, nature-y things around me, I feel myself being pulled back in. But lower. I feel centered somewhere around the bottom of my rib cage. And my diaphragm doesn't chatter incessantly like my brain. It just breathes.
I'm happy the weather has been nice on my days off. I'm especially happy that my new place is one mile from the beach.
2) Downsize
Getting rid of things has been an ongoing theme in my life. And for the most part, I don't have a lot of stuff. So how come when I moved, I ended up moving so much STUFF? It would make more sense to purge before a move. But it's much easier to purge after you've had to lug all your crap from one place to another. As I've unpacked, I've thought: really? REALLY? I kept that? For what? Then other things, I have to "go through". And still others, I need to use, or wear, or read and then decide. My goal, in 6 -12 months is to cut down by half. (I got way too many books) The nice thing is: as I downsize, I feel lighter. And freer. And more me.
3) Clean UP
In the weirdest way, on my day off, as I go through my weekly chores of laundry and vacuuming and doing the dishes and cleaning the bathroom and going grocery shopping, I feel centered and at peace. And happy. I never thought that cleaning would make me happy. But having control over my own environment sure does. And cleaning gives me a sense of control.
4) Volunteer
I've been doing a lot of volunteering with the adaptive sports program we have at work. And another organization that does hiking with disabled folks. It feels good. (and goes nicely with the be outside goal, too) I may check out the local animal shelter one day a month, too. I'll see if I have the time.
5) Drink lots of tea
It's a nice little ritual I got into since my move to my new place. It's a nice transition to sleepy time from work-and-work-out time. Plus, it keeps me from eating at night.
6) Cut down on the junk food
I was stressed out a lot this year. And I ate a lot of junk this year. (I'm a stress eater!) As a result, I put on some weight this year. (thank goodness I got all those cute tankini's last year on sale!) So now, I'm trying to get back to my happy weight and my happy state of health.
7) Train for another marathon
I've just never found a more effective way to move past something bad and onto something good than in running long distances according to a specific plan with a specific time frame and a concrete goal. Marathon training is the best! Plus, this particular marathon has Mickey Mouse and Goofy along the route! (Disney 2012!)
8) Spend time with your dad!
My dad helped me move. My dad helped me clean out the jeep and put the hard top on last weekend (so sad to put the soft top away) My dad showed up at my place with all new cleaning stuff, picture hooks, batteries, light bulbs, and easy to cook food for the first week. My dad is the best. I've felt better since hanging out with my dad.
9) Tie up as many loose ends as possible
I haven't been able to tie up the BIG ones. But I'm trying to keep all the little things in a state of completion. At home. At work. At the gym. In the car. No half done daily notes before I leave. No dishes left in the sink. No laundry left on the floor. No recycling sitting on the passenger seat of the car for three days until I make it to the recycling center. Everything is started and finished. Nothing to distract me. Nothing to keep me from being front and center!
10) Start blogging again
I started blogging way back when to "find my voice" once again when I forgot who I was. And now I'm back. For the same reason.
Let the journey begin!!
Monday, October 17, 2011
Getting Back to Center
So I've been away for a while. A long while. But I'm back now.
I've moved out of the Garaje Mahal and into a new place. I got my internet hooked up. I'm trying to get my life back.
Long story short...my life was hijacked over the last few months. That's right -- hijacked! For several months, my life was not my own. My thoughts and deeds and emotions were spent on somebody else's agenda. Their problems became my problems. Their drama became my drama. My life became a distant glimmer on the horizon of which I had a vague recollection. I was downgraded to supporting player.
How did I let that happen? Well, yes, I've always been the kind of person who doesn't seek the spotlight. I don't like a lot of fanfare and fuss. I don't want my picture on a cereal box. I don't incessantly post updates on Facebook about how my day was better than your day. I don't write empassioned letters to the editor and sign my name like John Hancock. I blog anonymously.
But still....to paraphrase Sting: "In this theater I call my soul, SHOULDN'T I play the starring role?"
Maybe it all starts when you start identifying with those bit players. The supporting cast. I always liked them better, anyway. And I sort of saw myself as a quirky, quick witted Joan Cusack kind of girl, rather than a Julia Roberts kind of girl. Those girls could get away with things like wearing ridiculously out of place outfits to formal events and everyone let them. Laughed with them. Admired their spunk. Who wouldn't want to go to a dinner party with Jennifer Coolidge and Annie Potts? Who doesn't love Rose, the crazy neighbor from Two and a Half Men? I sure love em! I sure want to be em!
But maybe the zany, left of center persona comes with a price. I never wanted to live in Kate Winslet's shadow. But I haven't seen direct sunlight in a while.
SO now that I'm back with my new internet connection and my new place (so new, I don't have a fun little nickname for it yet. But it has buttery yellow walls. Which may come into play in the naming ceremony) And I'm thinking.... maybe it's time to be Sandra Bullock for a while.
Just sayin'.
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