Thursday, August 27, 2009

Rants like this are why my friends love me

Tonight, I was perusing MamaKat's blog with the usual weekly writing prompts. There was an adorable post linked up about "the four crushes of my life". I got to read all about the cute sensitive kid in kindergarten, the popular kid in junior high, the bad boy in high school, and the smart dorky guy in college. Ah, yes. Don't we all get those types of crushes?

Well, yes. And no.

Sometimes, if you are like me, you get a crush not on the football captain, but on a 15 year old fictitious character from a parallel universe connected to ours by a series of time/ space portals. (Are those called wormholes?)

I guess one could argue that my crush wasn't on the character, but actually on the author. I don't think so, though. I met Stephen King once in Maine and I didn't feel the slightest inkling of a crush. I think it actually is the medieval adolescent he created.

So what is there about a pretend person that is crushworthy?

First of all: his name. Cuthbert! Now, I've never actually met anyone named Cuthbert, but maybe if I moved to Scottland for a few months, I'd actually met one. The other name I'm intrigued with is Mungo. As in the St. Mungo cathedral in Glasgow. I may have to go back in time to meet somebody named Mungo. But if I ever had a baby boy, though, I just may name him Simon Mungo Cuthbert Jones (do-da, do-da). I suppose it's a good thing that I'm not dating anybody.

Names aside, let's get to the real nitty gritty: a sense of humor. Yeah, I love the funny guys. Gimme Zach Braff, Paul Rudd, Jack Black, somebody else with a rhyming name. Gimme Cuthbert! A guy who puts a bird's skull on his saddle horn and confers with it like some sort of primitive GPS. A guy who cracks jokes in the face of sure death. A guy who just doesn't know when to stop already and pretty much ticks everyone off with his jokes. As long as he makes me laugh, I'm in.

Then there's the fact that he isn't the main character; he's the sidekick. I've never been one to go for the football captain, anyway. I'd be all over the kicker. There's something to be said about the dude slightly behind and to the side of the main attraction. I'm peeking out from the shadows myself.

And then, of course, is the fact that this character is a combination knight and cowboy. Excellent! (That's kind of like Orlando Bloom, who is both an elf ranger and a pirate) Let's face it. Even though I go for the smart, nerdy, funny, looked-over guys, there's nothing quite like a guy who can kick some serious ass and then ride off into the sunset on a horse.

Pick up the first three or four of that giant Dark Tower collection from Stephen King. (don't bother with the last of them. Harry Potter it ain't) You'll see what I mean.

And even if you don't, that's ok. I'm sticking with this crush. Ridiculous crap like this is why my friends love me.


Marian said...

You mentioned Legolas (Mr. Bloom himself). He is my crush. I love him. Pointy ears and all. Loved this post. Makes me feel a little more accepted with my crush:)

Elizabeth said...

Hi, Hebba!
I was reviewing my New England Blogger info and I don't have an email address for you. If you'd like to be included when we do little activities, just send me an email.

Anonymous said...

Fact: no one's ever "crushed" on me. Maybe I would have better luck if I were a fictional character?

Maybe so. In fiction, I'd have perfect hair. ;)