Wednesday, August 12, 2009

things that need to be said

Well, I have only one more day of work until I'm on vacation and I'm getting a little jittery. And cranky. It's been too long since I had an entire week off work (last August!!) and I find that about 15 times per day I have snappy (bitchy) little comebacks run through my head that I'd LOVE to say, but can't.

Thank goodness ol' Mamakat has given me a forum to share some of em.

The rules are: say 10 things that you want to say to people, no names allowed. Just for fun, one is to myself. Can you guess which?

1) I know you have been through a lot over the past couple years. But the things you are complaining about now? Are your own doing. You have been playing the martyr for so long that I think you have forgotten how to be happy. Stop the enabling and start being nice to yourself.

2) I am so proud of you and your achievement. It's amazing! And I'm inspired.

3) Please put on some clothes that fit! Your inappropriate manner of dressing makes everyone uncomfortable. And no... nobody finds your breasts nearly as intoxicating as you do. You are not kitchy or hip or ironic. You are pathetic. And your children are watching every move you make.

4) Where did you get this insane idea that you need to lose weight? You should be concerned about being healthy. And having fun.

5) Your friendship has meant a lot to me this past year. I'm so glad we got to know each other better. I don't know if you fully understood what a difficult time I was having last year, but you really helped me to get past it. Did you know how much our time together-- doing silly little trivial things, laughing, being lazy together-- helped? I'll always be grateful for those fond memories.

6) Stop e-mailing me! You were the worst manager I ever worked with! After all the crap you gave me when I worked there, NOW you have the nerve to ask me if I have any idea why you can't retain employees? Here's an idea: I'll tell your supervisor to fire YOU. They should have no problem retaining employees after that.

7) There is a such thing as TOO MUCH planning. Sometimes you just have to put down the how-to books, the calender, and the lists, go out and just do it!!

8) Yes, my friend, I do know the reason you can't find a nice guy. The second one relationship ends, you jump right into another one with whoever shows you attention. Take some time off. There is great value in sitting with your loneliness and doing some serious soul searching. Try that for a while and see what happens.

9) Sarah Palin, you are so stupid you make me ashamed to be female! (ok, one name)

10) You all have made my life a lot easier. I hope you know how much you have helped not only me, but everyone else here. Thank you.


Heather said...

Great job - and I'm pretty sure I know which one was for you. It was the one about intoxicating breasts, right? No...? Oh, well I tried :)

Seriously, though - loved reading these. Doesn't it feel good to get that stuff off your chest?

Anonymous said...

Wait, you're secretly Sarah Palin?!? Oh, noes!

Hmmm... I think we need a list of ten to try to match... ;)

Anonymous said...

I hope it's #2!

And congrats on the upcoming vacation!! Not since last August? Hoo boy. That's too long.

Life with Kaishon said...

Good job! Way to go with your list. It is all encompassing : ) I have this co worker who bares her breasts all the time too. Sometimes I want to hand her a shawl : )