Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Tuesday's Bad Dates: Goodbyes

This Tuesday, I actually did have a bad date. Not a bad date in the sense that I had a bad time. Or had bad company. I had a great time and great company. It was a wonderfully, wonderfully horrible date.

I went to see Colin Hay tonight. He is fantastic, if you ever want to see a great live show. Colin Hay is the former lead singer of Men at Work, for those of you old enough to remember the 80's. For the rest of you: he sings half the songs in every single Scrubs soundtrack. He's a great songwriter, singer, guitarist, and he's funny as hell to boot. I thoroughly enjoyed every second of the show. (Plus, after the show, when I got my CD signed, he said I was cute and gave me a hug. How cool is that?)

Tonight was to be Nerd and my last hurrah. And it was, I guess. He finishes packing this week and moves himself and all his stuff down to grad school over the weekend. After that, he will do his thing and I will do my thing and we'll both move forward with our perspective lives and our perspective plans-with-a-capital-P. As Isabella says, "The fling has flung."

I never expected things to be anything more than a fling/ crush/ acting-on-an-infatuation with Nerd. I never saw us buying a house and moving in and growing old together. I never wanted us to. He just made me laugh. And made me feel special. (Or a little less un-special) Then, somewhere along the way, I wondered how I could have known him for so long beforehand without knowing how fantastic he actually was. I wondered why it took us so long to come together. And how things would have been different for me this year had he not texted me last summer.

Tonight, I feel like I do when I come to the end of a great book that I never wanted to put down. The story has been told, it ended the way it should, and I have to return the book to the person I borrowed it from. Or how at the end of a great vacation, when I look back upon the week with fondness, half wishing I had two weeks off, and half looking forward to the workweek ahead. Nerd flew into my life like a dragonfly that alights on your hand for a minute or two and then flies off again. I can only be grateful that I had that moment. And amazed that it was my hand he picked to land upon for a while.

"...It's hard to stay [sad] when there's so much beauty in the world.Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst.

And then I remember to relax, and not to try to hold onto it. And then it flows through me like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. Don't worry ... you will someday.



Heather said...

This post makes me incredibly sad. I can't imagine how tough it must be to say goodbye to someone you have such a wonderful connection with. You have such a positive attitude about it, though, which is refreshing.

Here's hoping you and Nerd stay close despite him moving away :)

Carolina John said...

sounds like a fun show, and i hate that he's gone. i do, however, love american beauty. great quote!

Anonymous said...

What a fantastic quote from American Beauty. I'm so sorry that your time with the wonderful Nerd is coming to a close. You have a great attitude about it, so upbeat. It is refreshing, as Heather said.

Anonymous said...

I have to third the sentiment that the American Beauty quote is perfect. Your post made me incredibly sad. It's cliche, but true, that time heals all wounds. Hang in there!

Diane said...

Awww... that made me sad. I like Nerd so much. Not in that way, mind you (you know, since I've only ever 'met' him through your posts and I'm not that desperate... yet ;). I'm glad your attitude is so great... but if you feel sad, come see me... I'm getting good at these good-bye things.