This Tuesday, I actually did have a bad date. Not a bad date in the sense that I had a bad time. Or had bad company. I had a great time and great company. It was a wonderfully, wonderfully horrible date.
I went to see Colin Hay tonight. He is fantastic, if you ever want to see a great live show. Colin Hay is the former lead singer of Men at Work, for those of you old enough to remember the 80's. For the rest of you: he sings half the songs in every single Scrubs soundtrack. He's a great songwriter, singer, guitarist, and he's funny as hell to boot. I thoroughly enjoyed every second of the show. (Plus, after the show, when I got my CD signed, he said I was cute and gave me a hug. How cool is that?)
Tonight was to be Nerd and my last hurrah. And it was, I guess. He finishes packing this week and moves himself and all his stuff down to grad school over the weekend. After that, he will do his thing and I will do my thing and we'll both move forward with our perspective lives and our perspective plans-with-a-capital-P. As Isabella says, "The fling has flung."
I never expected things to be anything more than a fling/ crush/ acting-on-an-infatuation with Nerd. I never saw us buying a house and moving in and growing old together. I never wanted us to. He just made me laugh. And made me feel special. (Or a little less un-special) Then, somewhere along the way, I wondered how I could have known him for so long beforehand without knowing how fantastic he actually was. I wondered why it took us so long to come together. And how things would have been different for me this year had he not texted me last summer.
Tonight, I feel like I do when I come to the end of a great book that I never wanted to put down. The story has been told, it ended the way it should, and I have to return the book to the person I borrowed it from. Or how at the end of a great vacation, when I look back upon the week with fondness, half wishing I had two weeks off, and half looking forward to the workweek ahead. Nerd flew into my life like a dragonfly that alights on your hand for a minute or two and then flies off again. I can only be grateful that I had that moment. And amazed that it was my hand he picked to land upon for a while.
"...It's hard to stay [sad] when there's so much beauty in the world.Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst.
And then I remember to relax, and not to try to hold onto it. And then it flows through me like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. Don't worry ... you will someday.
---Kevin Spacey AMERICAN BEAUTY