Last night I went on a pilgrimage to (finally!) worship at the church of Bono. And what an arduous journey it was! In order to get to the cathedral (Gillette Stadium), we spent what felt like 40 days and 40 nights on route 495. However, I did learn that if I ever need to, I have a natural ability to make people follow my lead. After I couldn't stand it any longer and ran into the woods, the breakdown lane was literally filled with people running towards carloads of friends after THEIR trips to the woods. (I'm awesome)
When we finally completed the journey (and forked over $40 dollars to park) we climbed the greatest of heights to our heavenly (nosebleed) seats. The show started and it was like being baptised in the fountain of youth. Remember being in college and sneaking from your cheap seats up to the front when the security guard turned his back? Well, it's still just as fun and exciting years later. Let me tell you, section 105 was a giant love fest, full of section 320's ticket holders squashed into any empty seat available.
Don't get judgemental here -- it was absolutely necessary! Our original seats had terrible acoustics. Completely unfit for listening to the chosen ones! Besides, I'm pretty sure the original ticket holders for section 105 were down in the VIP section, squashed into any empty section of field available. (And one VIP actually made it up on stage! The holy grail of U2 experiences!)
So there we were -- in our wonderful seats with great acoustics! It was mesmerizing. Hypnotizing even! I'm not saying that I was brainwashed by the shimmering rings of the Edge's guitar and Bono's haunting passionate singing...but about halfway through the show, I came up with a completely new plan for the rest of my life. Immediately upon returning home, I was going to cash out my 401k and clean out my savings to send to starving orphans with AIDS in the Sudan. Then, I was going to get rid of my jeep and all my shoes, shave my head, and walk barefoot up a mountain to sit at the summit and be at one with the universe. It was just about the best idea I'd ever had!
Then came the encore. Bono came out wearing a jacket covered with red and white flashing LED lights and sang into a flying light-up microphone that looked like a mini-megaphone. Really Bono? I'd just assumed that any self respecting musician would want to avoid ANY possible comparison to David Hasselhoff's German performances. I immediately abandoned my previous plan decided that instead, I'd just get a bacon double cheeseburger and chocolate shake to consume on the way home.
As it was, I didn't do either. 'Cause getting out of the parking lot was even harder than getting in. By the time we exited, nothing was open. I just settled for a big glass of water and some prophylactic tylenol before bed. I drifted off to sleep with visions of the giant rotating disco ball atop a spaceship.
"Sleep comes like a drug, in God's country"
(Sigh. I can't wait to finally worship at the church of Bruce.)