Tuesday, February 17, 2009


Last night, I was watching a movie with J. She said that she wished to experience "a movie moment" in real life.

Let me say this: I firmly believe that moments are always better in movies than they are in real life. First of all, every moment in a movie is perfectly scripted by a writer and editors who go through several drafts before reaching the "spontaneous" moment we see. Then, they are acted out by people who are way, way, WAY more attractive than you or I could ever hope to be. Plus, those already attractive people have spent hours on end with a team of hairdressers and make-up artists to make them look like they just rolled out of bed looking like that. Finally, they have as many takes as possible to get it right. In real life, we just don't get that much prep time. It just happens on the fly.

Of course, that being said, J and I started to go through our own lives to figure out if we have had any moments that could, in fact, qualify as a movie moment.

Sadly enough, the only moment I could come up with somehow has me cast as a character quite like Toula from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. That would be Toula BEFORE the complete transformation. (By the way, I think she would be the exception to the aforementioned rule of "WAY more attractive than we could ever hope to be"). Leave it to me to relate not to an action adventure or romantic comedy but to the only movie in the past ten years that could accurately be described as FRUMPY.

Which leads us to the movie moment, er, date with Chad:

I pull up to the parking area along the Cape Cod Canal that night after work. I don't see anyone there, which is ok, since I still need to change out of my work clothes. I go into the restrooms and change into my rollerblading duds, complete with the pink baseball hat I had promised to wear. On my way out, to my right I see a vehicle matching Alice's description of Chad's car; to my left I see a person matching Alice's description of Chad. Excellent.

So I give ol' Chad a saucy little half-nod to acknowledge his presence, and then continue back to the red jeep to put my work clothes in and take my rollerblades out. I turn around with my blades and see that Chad is no longer where he was standing two minutes ago. Oh, ok, there he is. He is going to his car to get his rollerblades. I start walking -- in stocking feet -- over to the bench to put on my skates. From the corner of my eye, I see Chad whip out a cell phone, start talking into it, and then...Drive Away!!!

Seriously. He drove away. CHAD, YOU LOSER!!! Come on, despite all the talk about me being frumpy and dumpy and all the other umpies, lets face it: I'm pretty freaking cute. What the heck could he possibly be thinking?

Now I'm thinking: "Fine. I'll just go rollerblading by myself. Its better this way anyway, because now I won't have to keep slowing down to let Chad catch up to me in an effort to save his ego."

I sit down on the bench and start putting on my blades.

Now it gets even better. Another car pulls into the parking lot. In it is some guy talking on a cell phone. He stops right in front of the bench, leans over, looks me up and down, says something into his cell phone and drives away.

OH COME ON! I think I know why Chad is still single. Because he sends his wingman in for a second opinion, that's why.

Now my rollerblades are on and I'm ready to go. That's good, because I've had just about all I can take of this nonsense. But there is, in fact, more nonsense is store for me. Chad's car pulls BACK into the parking lot. He stops a few feet away from me and looks me up and down, still on his cell phone. Whatever is a girl to do? So I do a little pirouette on my skates and curtsy as he pulls out of the parking lot once again and drives away.

The funny thing is, once I got over the whole YOU LOSER-ishness of it all, what I felt was relief. I really didn't want to meet this guy in the first place. And at least he didn't waste any more of my time than absolutely necessary. (Unlike Adam and Bill) I had a great solo workout and still got home in time to find out "What Not to Wear"

I couldn't have scripted it any better.


Diane said...

OH. MY. GOD. WHAT A LOSER! Sorry for yelling but WHAT A LOSER! And good for you for having a smart-assed attitude about it. I know women who would have dissolved in tears over it. But THAT LOSER definitely (DEFINITELY) wasn't worth that! LOSER.

Amazing Greis... said...

OMG! That's crazy. You've got a great attitude about it and it is definitely probably better that he didn't waste your time. I miss roller-blading!

Heather said...

Holy cow - what an ass!! You were WAY better off without him! And I love your attitude about the whole thing. Kudos to you. :)

Carolina John said...

that is amazing! i don't want to believe that people that closed minded actually exist, but i am continually proven wrong. sorry you had to put up with that, but at least you got a good workout in!

Anonymous said...

What? Pardon me while I pick my jaw up off the floor. I cannot believe what a loser he is! The best part about this is that people like that have to LIVE with themselves for the rest of their lives. It's great punishment.