Shopping Woes

Today, I went shopping, looking for a dress to wear to Nerd's holiday party. I must admit that after checking out the restaurant's website, I was a little intimidated and my wardrobe looked sadly inadequate. SO off I went, with high hopes.

Here's my issue with women's clothing: NO CONSISTENCY WITH SIZING! Today, I tried dresses on that were sized 8, 6, 4, 2, and 0. (what the hell is a size 0? Doesn't that indicate an absence of size? As if I were an astral projection instead of a human being? The mere fact that I have a body made of matter would seem to indicate that I need at least a size 1!) The crazy part is: all of those sizes fit. Depending upon the store I was in or the style of dress, I could be any of those sizes.

Granted, the size 8 dresses were from stores I had no business being in to begin with. No matter how cute it looks from outside the store, I should never,ever, EVER venture into Wet Seal to try on a holiday frock. (Did I mention I'm 38?) I know that. But I was trying to keep an open mind. My open mindedness ended pretty poorly as the train wreck that I became in a Wet Seal sized 8 garment caused me to throw up in my mouth a little bit. So ended that experiment.

The sizes, interestingly enough, went down as the price of the garments went up. It's like, you too can buy a bid wad of denial. It actually comes FREE with that $200 sized 0 garment. I think I've heard it called "vanity sizing". Does that actually work? Do people actually think they are smaller because the tag has a smaller number on it? As if!

Cache looked like the store of choice for Mob wives. Ann Taylor Loft looked like the store of choice for future politicians. Macy's had only size 0 or size 12 and up, nothing in between. H & M was chock full of the itchiest clothing I have ever encountered. I have no idea what it was made of...hay?

Finally, I ventured into Banana Republic. I happen to know for a fact that Nerd got his holiday duds last year from Banana Republic so it may be a good match, even though it's a bit above my usual price range. I perused the racks, mindful of my past experiences with the Banana: their clothes tend to be designed for women shaped like Gwenyth Paltrow. (I am not.)


Here's another interesting point: even in the same store, I could fluctuate 2 dress sizes, depending upon the style. If it was a bit more flowy up top and more fitted at the bottom, I was rocking the size 2. However, I tended to look like a big rectangle. (not the look I'm going for) If it was more fitted at the top, jump up 2 sizes.

After a day of trying on approximately 43 dresses, I learned at least one thing (beyond the whole sizing fiasco): when looking for a dress for me, it's all about the boobs. Find something that fits the ribcage and accentuates chest and I'm golden. Or in this case, plum.

Of course now, I need to find shoes. I'm exhausted just thinking of it.