Thursday, November 20, 2008

WEEKLY WRITING ASSIGNMENT

I have to just say, firstoff, that I am a giant fan of R.I.C.E. A day off from the gym, ice packs, a compression sleeve while I slept, and an extra pillow, and my elbow was as good as new.

Next, I am going to jump back on the bandwagon that I fell off of and complete MamaKat's assignment for the week.

The prompt I chose is: "The last time I laughed really hard was..."

Sunday.

On Sunday, I had two of the funniest phone calls I've had in a while. After I got off the phone, I reflected back on the calls and thought: "Are you f-ing kidding me? This is my LIFE! I'm supposed to be almost 40 years old and my life resembles a teenager's!" Then, I laughed some more and was grateful for the ridiculousness that is my existence. See if you agree:

Phone call #1: from my friend, Slacker-Boy who lives in Washington state.

Slacker Boy: Are you going to go to the high school reunion?
Me: Hmmm. Seeing that I did not go to that high school and I did not graduate that year, I'm thinking...NO.
SB: I was thinking you could be my date.
Me: Your date? Who the heck brings a date to a high school reunion?
SB: Well, I need to look cool.
Me: How come you're not bringing...your WIFE?
SB: I thought I could tell everyone I have a west coast wife and an east coast wife.
Me: That's AWESOME! Oh, wait. You're talking about me. That's TACKY!
SB: No, go back to awesome. I don't think it's tacky at all.
Me: Seriously, though. Why aren't you bringing Slacker Girl?
SB: We couldn't afford plane tickets and reunion tickets for the both of us.
Me: Dude, I really think you both need to get real jobs already. But, yeah, I'll be your date.
SB: Ok, maybe you should go shopping. I've seen the way you dress. I want my east coast wife to look GOOD!
Me: Loser!

Phone call #2: From Nerd. Nerd's been sick so I haven't really seen or talked to him in a couple weeks.

Nerd: What are you doing December 13?
Me: Nothing. Why?
Nerd: Nothing? Are you sure? Are you in front of your calender? Do you absolutely know for sure that you're free on that day?
Me: Yeah. I have nothing going on. How busy do you think I am?
Nerd: Well, I was just saying. You can check and get back to me if you're not sure.
Me: I'm sure. What the heck is going on?
Nerd: That's the day of my company holiday party. I wanted to know if you wanted to go with me.
Me: Sure. I'd love to go.
Nerd: If you're not sure, I have a bunch of reasons why you should go.
Me: No. I'm sure. I said I'd go.
Nerd: Reason #1: The people I work with want to meet you. And you didn't go to the company picnic I invited you to over the summer.
Me: I already had plans that weekend to go camping. That wasn't my fault.
Nerd: Reason #2: You really want to meet the people I work with, even if you don't know it. They are all exactly like me!
Me:Exactly like you? I find that very hard to be-
Nerd: They are all wicked smaht! ( picture Casey Affleck in Good Will Hunting )
Me: I'm sure they -
Nerd: They are all better looking than average. Way better looking. And they are all sexy as hell. They are all funny. With great personalities. They all have great hair. Not as great as mine, of course, but great anyway. Some people are taller than me, though.
Me: They are all humble?
Nerd: No, they're not humble! Why would they be humble if they are all just like me?
Me: I was just trying to -
Nerd: It'll be like being in a room FULL of Nerds!
Me: A whole room of Nerds? I don't know if I could handle that. My head might explode.
Nerd: No. Your head wouldn't explode. You'll be carried through the night on a wave of euphoria.
Me: Hey that sounds great.
Nerd: Reason #3: It's open bar.
Me: You know, I've already accepted the invitation. You don't need to keep listing-
Nerd: Reason #4: It's in a super fancy place. It's above the Bull & Finch Bar.
Me: Cheers? It's above Cheers?
Nerd: Extra points for getting the vague reference.
Me: Your Xmas party is at Melville's?
Nerd: HOLIDAY party! Let's be politically correct here! And double extra points for Melville's.
Me: Wow. That place is REALLY fancy. I might have to -
Nerd: With excellent food. (Reason #5)
Me: -go shopping.
Nerd: No, you don't have to go shopping. Just wear, you know, a nice dress with heels or something.
Me: Oh, and practice walking in heels.
Nerd: Aren't you a female over the age of 12?
Me: Last time I checked.
Nerd: Then shouldn't you already know how to walk in heels?
Me: Hey! Walking in heels is not like riding a bike! I need to practice before things like weddings or graduations or holiday parties at Melville's.
Nerd: Well, practice up. Because it'll be really fun. Reason #6:-
Me: Why are you still listing reasons? I already said yes. Are you used to being turned down or something?
Nerd: Um, hello! NERD!
Me: Well, I happen to like nerds. So you can stop listing reasons.
Nerd: Ok. Good. I'm glad. But make sure to practice in those heels. I want my nerdy date to look GOOD.
Me: Loser!

Oh, I love my life. It's so pointless.

5 comments:

Heather said...

I love that BOTH conversations ended with you calling someone "Loser." That's great! :)

spleeness said...

Last time I laughed: 5 minutes ago, reading both conversations. F-ing hilarious! I love it! I am about the same age with about the same lifestyle too, it's awesome! Except I can NOT walk in heels, no matter how much I practice.

the gazelle said...

walking in heels is easy with practice. Driving in heels, I still have trouble with.

If you need any shoe inspiration, let me know! Since I am now on a shoe moratorium (since I have to spend my money on bills & other shit like that until the architect finds a new job), I need to live vicariously through other's shoe purchases.

Diane said...

Too funny. I love how they're both concerned about you looking GOOD. I have a great saying for that... "Bite Me."

PS... I have a date tonight... I've been practicing in my heels all day ;)

Sometimes Sophia said...

Toooo funny... all that talk about going shopping and walking in heels (something that requires almost daily practice in order to do it without leg cramps and lameness.) I'm sure you'll look terrific... no matter what. Life is in the details... yours are very amusing.