Monday Musings are a lot like Sunday Musings, but a day later. On a rainy Sunday in June when it felt like the end of October (seriously? I'm wearing sweats and a hoodie and fleece socks and I'm still a little chilly!) I spent the day cooking artichokes and asparagus and apples and a few other foods that don't begin with A. Cooking and watching You've Got Mail and Practical Magic because they are rainy day movies. But I didn't muse and post.
I just this morning deemed Monday "catch up day" which worked great at work, and now it's working great in Blogland, too, as I catch up on Sunday's missed musings.
Do You Feel You Are Not Good Enough In Some Areas of Your Life?
Oh, boy. Where do I begin on this one? "Not being good enough" is an integral part of my personality, it seems. I endlessly joke about how I always mess things up and fall down the stairs, how I have no willpower and no boyfriend. How I lived above my friend's garage at age 40 like a pathetic character in a sitcom.
All joking aside, though, I feel like I deserve some of the things that keep slipping through my fingers. I think I'm a pretty nice person; I'm hard working and competent and I'm pretty funny at times and I like to do cool things. Is it too much to ask for something to work out, every now and then? To have somebody think I'm just about the greatest thing since sliced bread and me feel the same about him? To have one of those days where everything just falls into place and goes in my favor? Do those days even exist?
If I'm really truthful with myself, though, I have to admit that there are times when I do things in a rather half assed way. That way, when things don't go in my favor, I have an excuse. "I wasn't really trying", "I didn't have time to give it my all". "I'm never going to come in first, so why train like I have a chance?"
'Cause what if I really tried and gave it my all and still came out with the same mediocre results? That would be awful. Then I would really have to come to terms with how inadequate I really am. It's better to have those excuses to fall back on.
But that's not necessarily how I want to continue to be.