Last week, I was telling the story of Steve, the guy who thought we were dating while I thought we were hanging out. For the first time in Tuesday's Bad Date's history, he was the one having a bad time and I was the source of the misery.
In my defense, however, did you see Steve's description? How could anyone possibly see him as possible dating material? Also, did I happen to mention that he was 13 year younger than me? Seriously. What the hell is wrong with young guys these days? It's like the concept of "cougar" has completely gone haywire! I'm seriously thinking of getting myself a T-shirt that says "I am not Mrs. Robinson".
Over the course of a few months, Steve and I hung out on a number of occasions whilst Steve had this hope of these encounters morphing tete-a-tetes:
THE BIKE RIDE
Steve and I met at a bike path after I mentioned I was going on a training ride and he asked to join me. I had planned on a 35 mile ride and was waiting with my rode bike with clipless pedals. Steve arrived with a BMX-style dirt bike. "When did you get that, when you were 12?" I asked. "Well, I, um, um, no. This is just a couple years old." said Steve. (I later found out that he did, in fact, get the bike for Christmas when he was 14) Instead of my distance ride, I decided I was going to work on leg strength. I spent the next hour in the lowest gear clipping in my right foot for 3 minutes, unclipping, clipping in my left foot for 3 minutes, unclipping, clipping in my right foot for 3 minutes, and so on. Steve huffed and puffed along behind me, red-faced on his 20 inch mag tires.
We saw Slumdog Millionaire. At the end of the movie, I turned to him and said "Oh my God, that could have been you! I'm so glad your mom adopted you when she did!"
The waitress at The Olive Garden spilled a big glass of ice water on his lap. I ran out to my jeep and retrieved a pair of sweat pant for him with the warning that they may actually be too big for him.
But I still had no idea he thought we were going on dates until he referred to our meeting as a date. The meeting that had the following interaction:
( A conservation in which many things were said and unsaid)
Steve: "So I'm working over at the hospital now"
Me: "Oh, that's great. Do you like it?"
Steve: "Yeah it's pretty good. Plus, they'll pay for my tuition for me to go back to school"
Me: "Are you going for paramedic training?"
Steve: "No, I'm going for physician's assistant"
Me: "Wow. That's great. Where are you going?" (I didn't think you were smart enough for physician's assistant school)
Steve: "At the community college"
Me: "I didn't know they had a physican's assistant program at the community college" (Man, I really am a bitch. Who the heck do I think I am, deciding who is and isn't smart enough to major in whatever they want)
Steve: "I'm taking the pre-reqs now. I'm deciding where I'm going to apply"
Me: "That makes more sense. What classes are you taking now?"
Steve: "I'm just taking one class at a time"
Me: "Well, yeah. It's kind of hard to take classes when you are working full time"
Steve: "Well, I'm not working full time, I'm working 20 hours a week"
Me: "Oh. Well, that'll give you more time to study" (Then why can't you take more than one class at a time, dude? Everyone I know -- including myself-- worked 20 hours while taking a full caseload)
Steve: "Oh, I need it, too. These pre-reqs are really hard!"
Me: "What are you taking right now?"
Me: "What kind of chemistry? Organic chem? That was hard."
Steve: "Just chemistry. 101. But what sucks is that I'm probably going to have to pay for the class myself"
Me: "Why?" (Chem 101 is easy. It's basically math)
Steve: "Because you need at least a C for the hospital to pay for it."
Me: "Could you get a tutor?Steve: "I have a tutor. I had a tutor the last time I took it, too, and that didn't help"
Me: "last time? How many times have you taken Chem 1?"
Steve: "This is my third time"
Me: (Ding. Ding. Ding. Ok, I'm not a bitch. I'm just very astute) "Well, maybe third time's a charm"
Steve (changing the subject) "So what do you want to do for our next date?"
Yeah. Clearly I had to cut Steve loose. Clearly I had to do it gently. Clearly Steve wasn't the dumb one in that scenario. Maybe I need to take some community education classes on reading body language and being more observant.