Sunday, June 24, 2012

Weekly Musing

This week's question to muse comes courtesy of this chick and her book, "Add More -ing to Your Life", which I have been reading and enjoying quite a bit.

What is that feeling that plaques you?

For me, that feeling in anxiety. Frantic, frenzied, whirlwind anxiety. It's always been there. There is a picture at my parent's house of my brother's 5th birthday party. In it, my cousin, who was 2 at the time, was leaning over to blow out the candles on my brother's cake. And I had the most anxious, stressed out look on my face. I look at that picture and I remember feeling anxious that if she blew out his candles...well, I don't know what would happen, but it would be just terrible!
Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck at that birthday party, trying to get her to stop blowing out somebody else's candles before something terrible happens all these years later.
When my life gets out of balance, the anxiety returns and settles in at the bottom of my abdomen. I feel it behind my eyes, in my clenched jaw, hanging over my head like a heavy, constricting hood.
Anxiety chases me, pursues me; makes me run around aimlessly with herky-jerky non productive movements and a non productive life.
"I have to, I have to, I have to, I have to...."
I have to stop her from blowing out those candles on somebody else's cake or....I don't know what will happen.

When my life gets out of balance, anxiety is the feeling that plaques me.
What about you?

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